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'the world of formidable evil, injustice and detest' - IELTS essay



farina 11 / 20  
Dec 8, 2011   #1
Topic
Some people believe that capital punishment should be legal while others refute this opinion. Do you agree or disagree

We are living in the world of formidable evil, injustice and detest. Crimes involving murders are flourishing on the bed of envy and hatred. In order to put an end to these acts of folly stringent measures should be taken, on the account of civilians' protection. Yet, what type of punishment should be given to the criminals, whether capital punishment or life time imprisonment, is a question needs to be answered. From my view point capital punishment is the answer.

Cited by a few people that death penalty is morally and ethically unjustified. A murder may be in self-defence or a juvenile conviction or involving a person falsely accused for it, giving such punishment to them will cause lose of innocent lives and leaving their relatives in disparity and grieving on the death of their loved ones.

However, it is exclaimed by the other group of individuals that to ensure the safety of the public and to reduce the crime rate in the society capital punishment is incumbent, since it has a deterrent effect. The thought of death penalty will prevail on the mind of the criminal and deliberately refrain him from the crime.

Moreover, in life time imprisonment various means of escaping can become possible. In many countries, bribery and internal corruption are making people with better fortunes and high connections to pay for their way out. Furthermore, to gratify the feeling of revenge and preventing more bloodshed, punishment of life-for-life will be prudent.

Concluding, I believe that for the benefit of the society and to keep the crime rate at the lowest level capital punishment should be mandatory.

ajit88rai 22 / 186  
Dec 8, 2011   #2
Your writing is very awesome I feel.However, as I have pointed out in your last thread, you really need no less than 5 paragraphs in an argumentative essay. The structure of your essay is not in accordance with the generalized rules of argumentative essay writing.

-> You are supporting capital punishment in your introduction but immediately in second para, you are mentioning the drawbacks of capital punishment. In these kind of essays, always put the supporting points first to make your stand very clear. You should write the minor drawbacks of capital punishment in the 4th paragraph. Note- When you are writing any argument against the opinion you are supporting, make sure it isnt too strong to mar the whole supporting opinion of yours.

- Here is a link of the same essay I wrote when I was preparing for IELTS exam. Do have a look at it, its not the perfect one, but just fine for IELTS standards.

IELTS- capital punishment..necessary or not?
Tobi 6 / 10  
Dec 8, 2011   #3
Generally well-structured essay. However, the length of a paragraph is, I think, a little short, your idea is not being proved by these few words. You left the argument of yours open, without protection- example. I guess, if you outline it more accuratly and add details, plan what type of argument it will be (defending or proving), what example will be the most suitable one. I am sure that next time you will perform great.
OP farina 11 / 20  
Dec 9, 2011   #4
Thank you all i really appreciate all opinions
lllpppricky 5 / 6  
Dec 9, 2011   #5
hi farina
your ielts writing is quit wounderful not only in sentence structure but also in vocabulary. i don't know when i can possess your writing capability. so, thank you provide a model to help me study.
OP farina 11 / 20  
Dec 10, 2011   #6
thanks a lot. try to read novels like pride and prejudice


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