Essay about worldwide market share of notebook computer

The table give information about percentage of notebook computer market for manufactures in the years 2006 and 2007.

Overall, it is clear that HP remained as the highest producer in two consecutive years 2006 and 2007. It is also noticeable that Dell was the most increased in technological market share during this period.

Looking at the table more closely, one can see that Dell was a significant increase by roughly 4% of market share in consecutive years, follow by HP and Toshiba with slightly rise by 2,6% and 1,1%. Despite the rapidly rising in Dell's figure, HP remained as the most popular manufacturer in the world.

In contrast, Fujitsu- Siemens and Lenovo had the lowest percentage in notebook computer market, with both figure in market share under 8% in 2006 and 2007, and both two companies saw a decline trend in this period. Fujitsu- Siemens accounted for 2,3% of the market after a dramatic decrease by 2,5% - more than a half of figure in 2006. A similar trend saw in Lenovo with a slightly decrease from 6,6% to 6,2%.

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There is an inconsistency in your time reference throughout the essay. As you are speaking of measurements taken in the past, you must be consistent in using the part tense word formation for your sentences. Otherwise, you are presenting an improperly formatted English sentence, which will result in reduced GRA and LR scores for you. The summary overview is inaccurate and confusing. A clearer representation of the overview would have been:

The provided table indicated the percentage of computer sales market share for several brands that represented a total of 100 percent market share. The comparison measurements, presented in percentage form, are for the consecutive years of 2006 and 2007. The computer brands involved wereHP, Dell, Acer, Toshiba, Lenovo, Fuji-Siemens, and other labels. HP was the highest seller of computers for that period of time while Fujitsu-Siemens had the lowest market share over the same time frame. At the same time, the brand with the most improved sales turned out to be Dell computers.

Had you presented the summary overview in the above manner, the rest of your information presentation would have been easier to understand and, you would have had a reference point for the past time frame throughout your presentation. By the way, you also forgot to make mention of the sales of the other brands as indicated in the chart. This rendered your chart more inaccurate so you would have lost some points for that also.