Please proofreading the following essay. I am an international students, please give me any feedback including mechanices, structures, supporting ideas.. and so forth. I really appreciate you!
The minimum wage in the U.S has been the subject of debate for many years. Many people argue that we shoud be careful about sharp increases in the minimum wage becasue of the resulting inflation and layoffs. Others believe that minimum wage should be raised.
The minimum wage has been a controversial issue for many years in the U.S. Some people argue that the minimum wage should be raised to keep up with the cost of living. However, I believe that we should be careful about sharp increases in the minimum wage because it would cause inflation, raise the unemployment , and it is the matter of the laws of economic.
First, raising the minimum wages would cause inflation. The companies would have lower profit margins due to higher wages. They would increase the cost of goods and services produced with low-wage labor in order to make up their profit. It will affect the whole economic.
Second, increasing the minimum wages would simply increase unemployment, and make it difficult for some companies to stay in business.
Employers, who cannot afford the higher wage, would have to reduce the number of employees, particularly those with few skills who need these jobs to break into the labor force. It ends up hurting those people.
Third, the minimum wage should depend on the laws of economics. The principle of supply and demand should determine wages. If there is an unemployed person who is willing to take a job for $5 per hour, and there is a business owner who has a job for which he can only afford to pay $5 an hour, why should the government make it illegal for them to come to their own terms of employment?
In sum, artificially raising the minimum wage would affect economic negatively. Therefore, we should take careful consideration in increases in the minimum wage.
I think that the economic facts do not back you up here -- increases in the minimum wage have historically tended to have a salutary rather than depressing effect on the economy -- but I guess that doesn't matter if the essay is only to demonstrate writing proficiency.
Some corrections:
It will affect the whole economy .
Second, increasing the minimum wages would simply increase unemployment [omit comma] and make it difficult for some companies to stay in business.
Omit commas after "employers" and "higher wage"
Thus, raising the minimum wage would end up hurting the very people the policy is meant to help .
wage would affect the economy negatively
Simone made good corrections. Now, I would like to add that your first paragraph is very short. Add another sentence to the end of that first paragraph. Let it be a sentence that contains the essence of the essay. The first paragraph is very important for making a strong case.
In the middle of the essay, can you cite some articles written by economists or other experts?
I think you should also lengthen the last paragraph. In the last paragraph, give some thoughtful REFLECTION. That means you must write a philosophical, thoughtful sentence.
Good luck!! :-)
I appreciate all of you.
EF_Kevin, you told me that I need to add extra sentences in the first paragraph. Did you mean the following paragraph?
The minimum wage has been a controversial issue for many years in the U.S. Some people argue that the minimum wage should be raised to keep up with the cost of living. However, I believe that we should be careful about sharp increases in the minimum wage because it would cause inflation, raise the unemployment , and it is the matter of the laws of economic.
Because I think I need to add more supporting sentences for second paragrape but I could not come up with any idea to support theise sentences... :(
I added some thoughtful reflection into the last paragraph as your advice.
How about this?
Raising the minimum wage might be a good idea for increases in the standard of living for the poorest in our society. However, artificially raising the minimum wage would affect those people, employers, and economiy negatively. Therefore, we should take careful consideration in increases in the minimum wage.
I feel shameful to upload my poor writing, but your help would be great for me.
Thank you so much
EF_Kevin, you told me that I need to add extra sentences in the first paragraph. Did you mean the following paragraph?
Yes, that's the one. You know that there are reasons to increase minimum wage (protect workers from exploitation) and reasons to keep it low (prevent layoffs, business failure, etc.). You seem to have arbitrarily chosen one of them. I want you to add at least one sentence to the 1st paragraph so that the reader can see what your real point is.
That might require you to read a few articles to really develop a strong opinion.
No, your writing is not poor! You write with rhythm. It's great. The thing is, you need to say something original instead of just repeating those 2 ideas. You really do need to go deeper into the question, the causes and effects involved. I suggest reading 3 good articles about this issue. Then, see how much deeper you can go.
