IELTS Task 1 - Write a letter to your manager asking for a training course

Hi All,

Can you please provide me the feedback on the below letter:

Write a letter to your manager asking for a training course, which you would like to attend. In your letter explain
What the course is,
Why it is required for your job,
How you will manage work while doing the course.

Model Letter

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter requesting you to allow me to attend a training course on Chinese. Let me give you some details of the training as well the reason why I want to enrol for the training.

Last week, I started working for an esteemed Chinese client of our organization named ABC Corporation. My main responsibility of this project is to give support for our client's critical IT systems. I am expected to provide quick solution over phone whenever they face any issue accessing their IT systems. During the initial days of on-job training I came to know that many of the callers are not very fluent in English. So they appreciate if we can talk in Chinese. Further addition to that, while going through the knowledge transfer session, I discovered that most of their documents are written in Chinese. These paper works are very important to get acquainted with their IT systems.

Mainly due to the above mentioned reasons, I would like to register for a one week training course on Chinese language from LearnLanguage School. This training is for professional like us only. So they arrange online training as well as classroom training starting from 6 in the evening. I have thought of opting for the second option as that will not affect my work schedule.

Hoping for your approval,

Rims

For the next letters, try to construct the paragraphs into:
Para 1: Opening:


Salutation should be: Dear Sir/ Madame,
Para 2: What the course is,
Para 3: Why it is required for your job,
Para 4: How you will manage work while doing the course.
Para 5: Closing |


try to find the other appropriate phrases dealing with the (semi) formal letter

Hi Eddy,

First of all, thanks for the comments. Greatly appreciate your effort to review each and every writing posted in this forum. It's very helpful for the novish like me. I have couple of questions here:

I didn't mention Sir/Madam intentionally thinking I should know my manager is a male or female before writing this letter. Let me know if you think otherwise.

Is it mandatory to write the letter maintaing the order of the given points? Can't I rearrange them?

I could not think of any appropriate phrase except "Awaiting your approval". Is it ok? Can you please suggest one?

As I know, there are two salutations that can be used:
1. (Semi) Formal letter: Dear Sir or Madam. Or if you know the one's name, then you write this: Dear Mr Kennedy
2. Informal letter: Dear Kennedy,


Writing in order of the points given makes the purpose of the letter clear and shows a well-organised layout.
When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.


Everything is OK, rims :D However, you'd better use the phrase depending on the tone of the letter (formal or informal).
Formal: I await your approval | I await your prompt response, etc,.
Informal: Awaiting your approval | Hoping for your approval, etc,.

Hope this helps :D

.... You need to be more specific as to what you are going to study;
I am writing this letter in view of seeking your approval for attending the training course titled "Learn Chinese in English" which is offered by ABC Trainers, Singapore. I wish to explain the requirement of following this course and the details of the same for your consideration.