Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 10


IELTS T-2: Write Pros and Cons of crime prevention in society, give your opinion



sanaqvi 6 / 11  
Jan 16, 2013   #1
There is an old saying 'Prevention is better than cure'. Does the same apply to crime prevention too? Criminality is on the rise everywhere in the world and whether its removal will benefit society in any way is a debatable issue since long ago. In the following paragraphs I will narrate pros and cons of the matter under discussion.

Those who oppose say good and evil are in human nature. For instance, the first murder in history of mankind was committed by a brother to another. Even if someone is law abiding, certain situations can drag him to offense. For example, I was reading an article yesterday describing how a young man killed her wife on adultery. Even that person had no criminal record, when he came to know about her wife's affair, he could not simply resist. Hence anger, revenge and suspicion are part and parcel of human nature that cannot be completely eradicated. Consequently, prevention of crime will make no difference.

On the other hand, it is argued that clearing society from evil makes it happier. For instance, people tend to move to crime free countries where rule of law prevails. This is evident from large number of people in developing countries trying to migrate to developed territories. Although, these prospective immigrants are well educated and settled in their homelands yet desire to live in peaceful environment motivates them to move to unknown world. Also, it is evident that citizens of developed countries live in harmony with others and contribute in the development of a healthy society. Therefore, removal of crime from society grants limitless benefits.

Considering above discussion I strongly suggest that crime free world will be more rewarding and benefiting for humanity. Hence, crime prevention will certainly make a difference in society. It is therefore recommended to implement strict punishments like capital punishment and heavy penalties for any misdeeds to create a sense of deterrence.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 16, 2013   #2
Good introduction.

Hence anger, revenge and suspicion arein human nature that can not be eradicated.

Hence anger, revenge and suspicion are part and parcel of human nature that can not be completely eradicated.

You write well... only thing I noticed was that you have not supported your reasons with specific examples in your body paras. It is a requirement of this task ans you may loose marks on that.
OP sanaqvi 6 / 11  
Jan 17, 2013   #3
only thing I noticed was that you have not supported your reasons with specific examples in your body paras .

Thanks dumi,
Can you think few examples on this.

Sincere Regards
Callie0202 5 / 14  
Jan 17, 2013   #4
I think you need improve your grammar. In the present paper, some error leads to difficulty in understanding.
OP sanaqvi 6 / 11  
Jan 17, 2013   #5
Thanks for the comments Callie, can you please quote some sentences from my essay.
Callie0202 5 / 14  
Jan 17, 2013   #6
"Those who opposesay good and evil are human instinct"
In this sentence, three verb can be found.
Callie0202 5 / 14  
Jan 17, 2013   #7
"Those who oppose say good and evil are human instinct"
do you mean " those who oppose say that good and evil are human instinct"? in ielts, ellipsis (such as that, which) and abbreviation (such as can't) are not encouraged.
OP sanaqvi 6 / 11  
Jan 17, 2013   #8
in ielts, ellipsis (such as that, which) and abbreviation (such as can't) are not encouraged.

Hmmmmm... That's great Callie, I really appreciate your advice.

I wrote IELTS exam last month and got 6.5 in writing. I hope with such nice tips I will be able to improve myself this time.

Sincere Regards
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jan 17, 2013   #9
Those who oppose say good and evil are human instincts .

For instance,thefirst murder in history of mankind was committed by a brother to another.

Hence anger, revenge and suspicion are in human natureand theythatcan not be eradicated.

I like the way you write but I feel as if you need to write a bit more than this.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 17, 2013   #10
Those who oppose saygood and evil are human instinct. For instance, first murder in history of mankind was committed by a brother to another.

So, in your first body para, you have the reason. ie, good and evil are part and parcel of human society . Then you go on expanding the same reason into more and more detail, but we do not find any specific example (I meanspecific) that you have used to support this reason. Here , this specific example can be something like;

For example, I read an article in the news paper about a man killing his wife because she committed adultery. This person never had any criminal background in the past and he was provoked to commit this crime by her misconduct.

Have your examples to sound more specific and don't leave them at general status :D
This practice would certainly earn you marks :)


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS T-2: Write Pros and Cons of crime prevention in society, give your opinion
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳