Young adults are full of dreams and passion about their future. Do they need more independence?

Please provide feedback on my essay as i have only 3dys left

Question : Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?

Young adults are full of dreams and passion about their future. To persuade their dreams and ambitions they feel they need independence from their parents so that they are free to think and act to the life challenges, they come across .However In my opinion Young adults should stay with their parents for a considerable amount of time as it has many advantages compared to moving away from them at earlier stages .

First ,In adolescent stages ,children have very less exposure to the real world situations and challenges and parents will look after the issues . When these children turn as young adults long for freedom just for the sake being independent which in turn lands them in trouble as they are completely unaware of dealing these situations .Instead when they stay along with their parents for a considerable amount of time, they get a chance to watch how they deal with the challenges or issues they face and learn from their parents success stories or the from their failures which there by helps the adults to gain confidence in leading their life when moved out at later stages.

Second, Young adults when they stay longer time with their families develop great bonding between themselves and the family which is very much necessary in present world. In contrast, when these young adults depart from their families at earlier stages for the sake of freedom they wanted but get dejected soon for the any failures they have seen and feel ashamed to go back to their families making themselves aloof from the world. As a result many individuals tend to make suicidal attempts in that process. Hence I feel an adult should stay connected to their families until they develop strong relation and bonding as you get support in your latter stages of your life when you need to stay aloof or alone.

Last, Satying for a longer duration with family during early adult stages help adults to move in right direction morally as parents guide them in the right direction .This will further help them to make themselves a better individual with great moral values and thus making a better society .

All in all , In my opinion young adults should stay with their parents for a considerable amount of time for they learn to face real world challenges in more confident way , develop a strong relationship and bonding between the members of family which in turn is healthy for everyone and lastly young adults are metamorphosed into great individuals with great moral values which are imbibed by their parents during their early adult days.

Thanku,
Deep

Young adults are very passionate and full of dreams about their future.


..."persuade" means "convince" and "pursue" means follow or chase. So the appropriate word here is "pursue".
Try to have more specific examples for your reasons. They help you convince your reasoning better.

...this is a little too long... If you break this up to include one idea per sentence, it would read much nicer.


When these children turn out young adults they would long for complete freedom and love the idea of independence. However, they are unaware of the negatives of becoming independent without maturity and experience.


... too long again :(
Instead if they continue to live with their parents until they become more matured to handle situations on their own , they would be able to face challenges more effectively and make wise decisions.