Young vs. Old generation - who is having more fun? - TOEFL

I am having my TOEFL exam next week. Friends please do rate it.

Young people enjoy life more than the older people do. Agree or disagree with the statement?
Enjoyment, entertainment or amusement has pretty much the same sort of importance in everyone's life. It is a refreshment in one's life in order to break the boredom of normal or regular routine and helps to revitalize he/she to continue their work with an accelerated pace. So, I am not at all ratified from the given statement.

Enjoyment yields one with a sense of satisfaction. It is like an Energy-drink. Everyone has his/her own flavor to select i.e., everyone has his/her own measures to keep themselves amused or to enjoy life. It just cannot be decided by considering generation as the base in order to know that who enjoys the more. For instance, i after my hectic schedule of tuition and classes prefer to play some racing games on my pad in order to feel refreshed. On the other hand my father after his breath-taking works prefer to go for meditation or yoga to pacify himself. It does not end here, sometimes i also go for yoga with him and sometimes he joins me with my games enacting as a commentator or by challenging me for a game.

So, i do feel that generation gap should not be even considered as a benchmark with a motive to deduce that who enjoys life the more. Like the flavors of an energy-drink it totally depends from person to person who chooses which path or method to satisfy him/herself. For example, a hermit feels enjoyment in his meditation and the peace which he gets from his neighboring environment. A boxer pacifies him/herself by beating out the thirty-two outs of his/ her respective opponents. He/she does not demand for peace which a hermit looks for during his/her fight. A doctor finds pleasure in curing his/her patient's heels even after his/her hectic abnormal schedule.

So, it cannot be stated that younger people enjoy more or less than the elders. It totally depends on the measures one selects to keep him/her life ratified.

I'd say you try too much to make the essay formal. You can pick either he or she to write or essay for even make it about yourself so that you don't have to use "he/she" every sentence. Just remember the uniformity.


themselves amused to enjoy life.
"I.E" - i wouldn't put it on an essay. Try to use "such as" but i would rephrase it.


I, after..., ...


furthermore is better


bad transition


this one too.

really thnx 4 ur careful attention towards it...but can u jst tell me is the content ok...??

You have some nice ideas and I enjoyed reading it - I think the metaphor of the energy drink is okay but not really necessary! IELTS examiners don't like flashy writing - remember this is an academic test.

Overall though you need to answer the question more clearly. You mentioned young and old people a little, but not very much. I guess that this essay took you a long time to write, as the organization and vocab is quite complex. When you do the actual test you won't have so much time, so I'd keep it simple.

The question is about satisfaction and old and young people. So:

introduction: define "enjoy life" and mention young and old people
Body 1: Young people. Talk about why young people enjoy and don't enjoy life. I'd suggest one plus, one minus.
Body 2: Do the same for older people
Conclusion: explain that both have advantages and disadvantages.

Some of your vocab is also a bit weird, although the level is good. Pacify, curing [his] heels - use another word there.