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Nowadays, youngsters sometimes are needed for helping to improve communities.

mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion

Nowadays, youngsters sometimes are needed for helping to improve the communities. However, as far as I am concerned, teenagers have to be paid for their contribution instead of do not get salary. This essay will first discuss teenagers which need money to survive and then talk about getting perfect results which need professional way for hiring people, especially accepting salary.

To begin with, adult youths have to get income if they are working in a community owing to the fact that they already have spent their time. If they do not get money, they should move to another activity that can give more benefits to them. It is happen because young people need money to buy food, clothes, etc. For instance, an organisation in Indonesia called Pemuda Pemudi is not existed yet today due to the fact that it doesn't give salary for the team to support the program in that organisation. So, it is very significant to make a community or organisation can exist for a long time. Up to a point, it is true but actually the community does not have source of money, so it is normal for the crew that never get income.

On the other hand, to make a community as professional, it is needed to pay young adults who have joined to the community. They will work with all of their efforts and obviously better result will be achieved to support the development of a community. Besides, they will feel happy and full of spirit to contribute because they get money for doing this. In Denmark, a social community change into big company because the workers was paid as a professional employer. The consequences is that the community will get more benefits rather than just a little outcome to pay the workers. The contrary, it is an obligation to pay a worker but worker (young adult) should think that they can give their kindness for helping community without salary.

To sum up, teenagers can contribute for helping community for free, but to achieve better results, the community have to pay to show the seriousness for getting glory results because the workers need money to fulfill their necessity and to give maximum efforts that they can give.
ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Hello mardian:
Overall your essay is good but your presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed, there may be irrelevant detail, address all parts of the task although some parts more fully coveredf than other.

Coherence and cohesions: makes inadequate, over-use of cohesive devices, presents information with some organisation but there are a lack overall progression.

Grammatical range and accuracy: you make some errors in grammar and punctuation but rarely reduce communication

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