Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends
With the advent of technology and economy, the youth show their propensity for fashion items and technological devices. From my perspective, I disagree that they spend much time and finance following this trends
On the first hand, people believe that luxury items or the latest devices are symbols of the wealthy and upper class due to the advertisement of many brand names. Therefore, by wearing the trendy items, people can upgrade confidence, personal's image and even social status. Moreover, the tendency of following the latest trend can make many profits to manufactures and firms, which can create a huge financial tax to the government.
On the other hand, I do not agree that young people take much time and money to following the trends of fashion and technology. First of all, buying too much items can lead to be harmful for environment. Nowadays, youngsters purchase numerous clothes and devices which is redundant for their wardrobes, hence, they tend to throw away many old pieces of clothes which are still good condition. By doing so, many fashion and technology wastes are released to the environment and seriously contaminate to the natural habitat. Furthermore, young people bear large debt due to purchasing too much luxury clothes and following trends without having the large finance. To illustrate, many young people have a big loan from financial firms or banks with an aim to buy their favorite season items. As a result, young people can dramatically push them to the brink of bankruptcy.
To conclude, the widespread of Internet and technology allows young people to access their trendy items. However, i believe that spending too much time and money for the following to the latest items is unnecessary in modern age because of the contamination and debt.
Note: Can you mark my essay?
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Unfortunately, scoring of the essay is only done with URGENT or Private essay reviews. Any student who scores your essay will get his account immediately suspended. Sorry about that. For scoring services, you can contact us privately or make this thread URGENT for an additional review from me.
Without the original prompt presentation, I am finding it a bit difficult to analyze the appropriateness of your response. There is a disconnection, as far as I can tell, between fashion and technology. I am also unclear about why you chose to disagree with this statement because you are missing a restatement of the original reason provided alongside the original prompt. Your prompt restatement feels highly incomplete and little informed.
There is no first hand, other hand in this case. It is just "on the one hand" and "on the other hand". However, because you gave a direct disagreement response to the essay question, which is unknown to me (really, please provide the original prompt next time), it appears that you have mistakenly used the wrong discussion format in this essay. Since you are not instructed to provide an A/D discussion, this essay should be a single opinion explanation presentation.
The current presentation shows that although you presented an opinion at the start, you are really uncertain about your presentation because of the comparative discussion. This creates a confusion for the reader who, all along, thought you disagree with the statement. The proper discussion approach would have been to justify your opinion based on a 2 reasoning paragraph, using 2 different reasons to justify your opinion.
The essay cannot be considered properly discussed due to the error in your discussion presentation. Your TA score will be judged based on the lack of clarity in your opinion, within the discussion paragraphs (low marks due to uncertainty), and the lack of proper concluding information in the concluding summary.
