Technological Influence in everyone's life
technological devices such as cell phones, tablets have developed sharply for the past few years. Some people say that young people have various benefits from them. However, others argue that they also have detrimental effects on young generations. Discuss.
In the modern world, the use of technology, such as cell phones or tablets, has been rapidly increasing. It has played an impactful role in everyone's life, especially the young. While a sizeable percentage of people hold the view that those modern devices bring numerous benefits to youthes, others point out that young generations are getting into several troubles due to their adverse effects. In my view, both sides of argument are reasonable as each has its own attractive reasons.
On the one hand, it is obvious that technological devices have provided several utilities for the young . In the first place, they are sources of abudant information in which any kind of information on any topic can be found quickly and simply. Therefore, studying is no longer difficult as news is constantly updated and there are enormous useful documents and free books. Next, smart devices have helped bring the world closer through social network . It is convenient and cheap to make new friends, have long-distance talking or find old acquaintances. Moreover, with several services of modern technology, young people can do anything easier such as booking flight, seeking jobs or shopping online everywhere thank to their portability. Especially, they help everyone relax through applications of videos,books,music,etc.
On the other hand, we cannot deny that numerous serious consequences have been caused as a result of sharply technology development . First and foremost, the regulary using of smart devices has made numerous teenagers become addicted. They spend their whole time on them and get serious health problems like obesity or having short-sighted eyes. Secondly, the information from these devices is not always right and suitable for toung people. This can lead to wrong mental life and activities , which is very dangerous to their future. For example, over 100 Russian teenagers were died in 2016 as they joined the a risky challenge they saw on their devices called Blue Whale. In addition, there are a large number of bad applications which can leak private information or scam money. The personal life is also difficult to be projected as bad people can post any right or wrong news to social network and internet.
In conclusion, althogh technological devices have several disadvantages, as long as there are parental supervision and teenagers'cafulness, it is safe to use them as their wonderful benefits.
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Please do your best to limit your discussion presentation to within 275-290 words. While you might be able to write 389 words during the CBT test, that does not mean that you will have written the perfect, more than passing score essay. All that means is that you opened up your writing to more errors that will go unchecked and uncorrected because you spent all the 40 minutes just typing away, without considering the scoring considerations for the essay. What are the scoring considerations? The TA,C&C, LR, and GRA individual scores. Scored individually, these sections will comprise you overall score. Do well in all 4, you more than pass the test. Do just well enough, you pass the test, Have too many errors in all sections, you fail the test, regardless of the number of words that you wrote.
In this essay, I spotted at least 15 errors covering all 4 of the scoring considerations. That means, you failed to proof read your work at least 5 times in this presentation. All because you focused on length instead of quality. The accuracy of your grammar, the proper use of vocabulary, the clarity of your explanation, those matter more in the scoring section than any long essay you might be able to present. Write less, make less mistakes,write clearly, pass the test. That should be your mantra, that should be your aim, if you really want to pass this test your first time taking it.
Now, because you did not complete the prompt presentation for this essay, I will not be able to review your essay for content conformity. There are several technology based essays that have similar themes to what you just wrote. So, I will not focus on your content but on the mistakes that you made which have a direct impact on your final score.
youthes - youth
abudant - abundant
Spacing problem: Always use a space after every comma
videos, books, music, etc. , ( avoid informal word presentations such as etc in an academic or opinion discussion)
regulary - regularly
* Several more errors exist for correction
Do not place a space between a word and a period
young . - young.
* You are not familiar enough with grammar and sentence structure rules. You have to study more in relation to English writing rules before you try to write another essay.
Truthfully, there are just way too many errors in this essay, spanning several English writing rules, that will prevent you from achieving a passing score. I cannot continue to review and correct your errors because of these unchecked errors. Review the writing rules before you write another practice test. If you do not do that, then you might simply repeat the same errors you made in this presentation.
Hi, I'm an IELTS learner and here are just some personal suggestions:
Firstly, I really appreciate the clear idea indicated in your essay, especially in your third paragraph. But there're some problems with your utilization of linking words.
For example: "Next, smart devices have helped....", in my opinion, "next" is not a good choice; "It is convenient and cheap..." this sentence need a linking word...
Besides, too many short sentences were used in your essay, I think they should be included in one complex sentence.