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Hang it up - technological devices considered as learning tools may cause major distraction in class


chakikaki 1 / 1  
May 30, 2015   #1
Although technological devices like the mobilephone, laptop and I pad are considered learning tools such as a dictionary for the students, they are one of the major causes of distraction in the classrooms , especially cellphones.

In the article, " Hang It Up", Jessie Scaccia focuses on the controversial issue between parents and teachers whether or not students should bring cellphones to the classrooms. She states that cellphones cause distraction in the classrooms that result in poor performance of students. She also mentions that parents opposed the school district's rule , so they started a lawsuit against the school district. Most parents claim that with the help of cellphones, they can communicate with their children in case of emergency. Neverthless, Jessie thinks that cell phones are

the status symbol for the students.

I agree with Jessie that cellphones are distracting for students' learning in the
classrooms. Texting through mobilephones in the classrooms divert the student's attention. As students are paying themselves for college fees, and if they are
texting in the classrooms, that is their loss. In addition, not only person who received a phone call by a loud ringtone during the class , but also another students would be interrupted by cellphones while concentrating the lecture. To illustrate this, a movie theater prohibited people from using

cellphones while watching a movie, because a sound of cellphones are distracting for people who focuses on watching a movie in the theater where it costs themapproximately eighteen dollars to watch .

In short, cellphones are harmful for students in the classrooms. Limiting time to use cellphones in the classrooms would be a good solution for students and their parents who needs a call of emergency.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 30, 2015   #2
- She states that cellphones cause distraction in the classrooms that result into poor performance of students.

- She also mentionsmentioned that parents opposed the school district's rule , so they started a lawsuit against the school district.

- I agree with Jessie that cellphones are distracting for students learning in the
classrooms.

- In addition, not only the person who received a phone call by a loud ringtone during the class , but also another studentsstudent would be interrupted by cellphones while concentrating on the lecture.

- Limiting time to use cellphones in the classrooms would be a good solution for students and their parents who needs ato call ofin case of emergency.

Chaki, your essay is good, your observation is well written.

I also did an observation and I have a few points for you;

- mobile phone is two separate words, iPad is one word, it's a brand

- good job on punctuation marks usage

- sentence construction and smooth flow, that's a plus

- linking verbs should be observed too in your sentences, they can make your sentences mean more and help your message to come across to your readers

- proof read your articles before you submit it

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
May 30, 2015   #3
These are some additional changes that could be made. You did a good job!

-There should be a space between and cell phones throughout the essay.

-I think you begin this second paragraph by forming two sentences. Place a period after teacher. Start a new sentence beginning with: "She discusses whether..." I think distraction should be distractions. Look at the article to see if this is an error. Remember to place quotation marks around statements that are directly quoted from the article.

-I think this sentence should be revised: "For example, if students are paying for college fees, and if they are texting in the classrooms, that is their loss." When you discuss the movie theater, place "the" before sound and change your tense to: "people who were focusing".

-The beginning of the last paragraph should have a different transition. In short could be changed to, "In summary". You can end the essay with, "need it in case an emergency occurs".
OP chakikaki 1 / 1  
May 31, 2015   #4
justivy03 & lcturn87
Thank you for giving me a good advice. I will rewrite !!!


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