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US IMPORT POLICIES; summary paragraph


Sergelen  
Dec 3, 2006   #1
It's summary paragraph. I don't make sure it's right . I think there some mistakes in grammar. And is it make sense to read.

The United States is highly dependent on imports from other countries. Its policies; however, strict still let contaminated into our country. Our border control has gaps and insufficient inspections, which have our country vulnerable to unwanted outside viruses, bacteria, and pests maybe even terrorism. Twenty five percent of the produce consumed by Americans is imported. If only 2% of produce consumed inspected, 23% of the imported produce is potentially contaminated. No indigenous species can be responsible for introducing new diseases, such as the West Nile virus. While screening at the border for disease has been effective in detecting cases like SARS and mad-cow disease, the illegal crossings of humans and animals still pose a threat. Smuggled animals and unchecked illegal immigration continue to be a disaster for disease control in this country. Rep .Tom Tancredo has introduced legislation to help protect our borders. The measure would require "a significant increase in the number of border patrol authorized, actually 20000 authorized." In addition, "it encourages the president to use the military on the border". Invasive species and disease from overseas present a largely overlooked risk to our welfare, one that we must vigorously attack on all fronts. At the very least, we need better inspection standards for goods entering this country and better controls on animals and people crossing our borders.

Greetings!

Yes, it does make sense, and you made your point well! There are a few places that need clearing up, and I'm glad to help with that.

"Its policies; however, strict still let contaminated into our country."

Just need to move the punctuation around and add one word: "Its policies, however strict, still let contaminated goods into our country."

"Our border control has gaps and insufficient inspections, which have our country vulnerable to unwanted outside viruses, bacteria, and pests maybe even terrorism."

I suggest changing "which have our country" to "which leave our country" and changing the end of the sentence to ". . . viruses, bacteria--maybe even terrorism."

"Twenty five percent of the produce consumed by Americans is imported."

"Twenty-five" needs a hyphen.

"If only 2% of produce consumed inspected, 23% of the imported produce is potentially contaminated."

I'm not sure that your meaning is clear in this sentence. Since 2% and 23% don't add up to 100%, an "if-then" sentence doesn't really work. In any case, you need to insert "is" between "consumed" and "inspected."

"Rep .Tom Tancredo has introduced legislation to help protect our borders."

I'm sure this is just a typo, but you need to move the period in "Rep." over.

"The measure would require "a significant increase in the number of border patrol authorized, actually 20000 authorized."

"20,000" needs a comma.

"In addition, "it encourages the president to use the military on the border".

The period needs to be inside the quotation.

"Invasive species and disease from overseas present a largely overlooked risk to our welfare, one that we must vigorously attack on all fronts."

"Diseases" needs an "s" (assuming you mean it to be plural).

And that's all I see that needs a fix!

You've written a very persuasive essay. With a little clean up and clarification, I think you have a winner!

Best of luck,

Sarah,EssayForum.com


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