hi guys..
i need some help for my personal statement.
UC prompt#2
A personal quality which has developed into talent is that of perseverance, with my talents centering around both golf and tennis. Through my trait of perseverance I have been able to commit to the development of my skills in each of these sports. Each of these sports, while physical in nature, also involves a considerable amount of strategy and planning, alongside mental toughness. The traits exhibited through my talent in each of these sports are relative to my entire life, and would transfer and come with me into my experience at UC.
In regards to tennis, I began playing as a young boy. At first I was unwilling to practice as often as the coaches instructed me to, due to a feeling of impatience and lack of understanding. In time however I came to learn that through practice my skills became better, and over time my natural talents were allowed to shine through. This was only possible as I had achieved proficiency in the basic skills necessary, and from that built upon them to create true talent through planned practice and improvement.
The sport of golf has taught me that while it takes effort and practice to develop talent, the execution of such talent often takes great patience. Golf has taught me to be more relaxed in situations which require concentration. Through intense concentration great effort is able to be focused in on a particular task, enabling it to be achieved to a far greater degree than previously possible.
My developing my talents in sports, I have learned two important concepts that stretch across all aspects of life. Skill and talent are not things which materialize out of thin air, but rather must be worked for. Through practice and concentrated effort, sufficiency turns to proficiency, and skills turn to talents. Upon establishing the skill-set necessary to perform something, it may then be further perfected so to not be simply performed, but executed with style. In my efforts with sports as with academics I apply myself wholeheartedly towards the accomplishment of my goals.
thanx
The traits exhibited through my talent in each of these sports are relevant to my entire life, and they will would transfer and come with me into my experience at UC.
This sentence is good, but it does not belong at the end of the first paragraph. Use the end of the first para to give a statement of your purpose: what you intend to do with this education you are getting.
Tell them about your specific aspirations in that sentence at the end of the 1st para.
I see that this is a good essay about qualities developed through sport... but it is supposed to be an essay about your... oh, wait a minute. I see that you are responding to a prompt, so maybe this is appropriate after all.
Okay, even though this is not just a personal statement... I still think you should talk about each quality in terms of your intended major/career.
