For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour?

Hi

My name is lakpa and I'm from Nepal.I want to study in USA Boston.But I don't know how to write a perfect essay.So I decided if I could write about my Educational Tour.But I'm from Nepal will they co-operate if I write about the place of Nepal.I hope that they don't know about this place.So What should I do.And from those Commom Application Essay's Which is better.Which essay should I use???Please please Help me.I have to get Admission for this Fall 2013.Hope to get many replies with good advice :))

Thank You

... What is the purpose of writing this essay? Have they given any prompt or guideline as to what you should write?


.... For us to answer you need to give more details about this task... You also say this is something to do with Common Application. Then why not you post the prompt? If we know the prompt we can certainly provide you with more relevant comments as to how you can get going :)

- Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
- Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

- Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

- Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

- A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

- Topic of your choice.

As Above these are the topics.I can write on any of the Topics.But At First I don't understand these Topics.What should I write or what i shouldn't write.So can you explain a little of these topics and Step to write an essay.And I'm confused How to start the Essay.What should I include at the Top????Please Please Please I need your advice.Thank you

Lakpa

Well.... let's see how I can help you :) .... Let's take the first prompt;


Pick one of those highlighted ones and write about it. Suppose it is a significant experience. Then first tell what this experience is. Then tell why it is important to you and how it helped you personally. What did you learn from that experience etc. You can follow the similar pattern for other topics too.

My suggestion for you is to search for similar topics (on the right hand side of this screen you get the search. Type a part of this quetion - e.g. significant experience.) Then you find many similar threads. Read them to get an idea how others have answered. Then write your draft (do not copy what is here because you may get caught to playgarism) Post it here with the prompt so that we can provide you with comments :)

Ahh Thank You Very Much From Your Advice.I'll Write my essay and post it.And after that you can Check.Thank You Once again :))

Lakpa

Hi
Finally I wrote an essay on Significant experience.Like u asked what is that experience, why is it important to me, how it peronally helped and what I learned from that experience.

For Experience I wrote about Live Dance performance.Down below there's an essay.please check whether my essay is good or not.And please make correction too.The essay should be 400 words but I had written more than 400 words so that we can remove some useless sentence.Maybe the essay is not in a right order so please Check that too. Thank You :))

PLS SEE BELOW;

Please someone help me...I need an advice.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.... sorry for my delayed reply :D


... I think you shouldn't dedicate a full sentence for this idea. Why not couple it with the next line?


Every time when I talk about my birth place, Nepal, I cannot help talking about the beauty of snow-topped Mount Everest with the dazzling sunshine glaring down from a cloudless sky.


.... I feel you better shorten this description because your emphasis should more be on your personal experience. So this is what I suggest;
[i]Being predominantly a Hindu country, Nepal appreciates co-existence of diverse communities and religious followers such as Muslims, Christians and Buddhists. Although many youth tend to imitate western cultures I wanted to be different and contribute my share to protect our rich culture and traditions.[/i]

Thank You very much for your suggestion. :)))

Now I think I'm really bad in English :p

Should I have to add some more information in this essay???And delete the useless one ???

Thank You Dumi Mam

Sincerely,
Lakpa

I've made a correction in my essay and I posted here.
Can you please shorten this essay??? It's about 475 words. I want you to make it couple like in the above you did last time.

Every time when I talk about my birth place, Nepal, I cannot help talking about the beauty of snow-topped Mount Everest with the dazzling sunshine glaring down from a cloudless sky. Being predominantly a Hindu country, Nepal appreciates co-existence of diverse communities and religious followers such as Muslims, Christians and Buddhists. Although many youth tend to imitate western cultures I wanted to be different and contribute my share to protect our rich culture and traditions.

In February 19, 2010 it was the night of Sherpa Losar Eve Celebration. Losar is a Tibetan word for New Year. It is celebrated by Yolmo, Sherpa, Tamang, Gurung and Bhutia, although different regions in the country have their own respective New Year. It is also celebrated by Tibetans worldwide. I was going to perform a Sherpa Cultural Dance with my group consisting of 12 dancers. Among them I was the youngest. We had been practicing extremely hard to achieve perfection. The time had finally come to unleash our unique performance to a Live Audience. There were more than a thousand people and I was a bit nervous because this was my first live performance. I could see the smiles on their faces as they watched silently. I could feel their love and appreciation for our performance which began to increase my confidence little by little. Our dance was finally over with huge claps and elation from the crowd and our teachers backstage. But, it was just the beginning. This was not just a dance. It was preservation of our Sherpa culture by the youth of our time who are primarily driven by modernity and western cultures. It was showing that young people can do both, have love for the modern world and also respect our culture. Culture and tradition are very important, as being one of the citizens we should all have sense of preserving the culture and tradition of the country. And these cultural dances are more important because our culture and tradition can be reflected through it. Showing our culture through this dance we can give our youngsters and coming generation the knowledge about our culture and tradition and make them aware about our unique culture.

This great experience helped me to boost up my confidence and I was performing a cultural dance which made me proud to represent the culture and tradition of the country. I was very nervous at first but this dance taught me to be self confident and to throw out the nervousness inside me. Like us others should also perform the cultural and traditional program so that our coming generation will be able to know about our ancestors culture and tradition.

I had a great experience as it made me realize that my little contribution had so much impact to our society. I came out of this experience feeling more confident and ready to face the world for new challenges and opportunities.

Hope to hear from you...

Sincerely,
lakpa :))

I wish you had a better link with these two lines;
Though Nepal is predominantly a Hindu country, its diverse communities together with other religious followers such as Muslims, Christians and Buddhists add a lot to its vibrant diverse culture. This is why I am keen on contributing my share to protect its rich cultural heritage without being a blind imitator of western cultures.


.... I feel you need to change the order of this;
I still vividly remember that day; 19th February 2010. It was the night of Sherpa Losar , a Tibetan term for the New Year, Eve CelEbrations. I was the youngest in my group of twelve dances who wer going to perform a Sherpa Cultural Dance.

Thank You very much :))))