I am a first year college student and am horrible when it comes to anything English related. I have a paper written and need some advice on my thesis statement, I would appreciate any help that could be given. This is my introductory paragraph which I thought I had a thesis statement in.
We all know what the outcome of the civil war was with the Union Army being victorious. But could it be said that the Confederate troops were superior to the Union troops despite their defeat? Even though the Union troops out numbered the Confederates 4 to 1, the Confederates were superior because they were previously prepared for harsh living conditions, and also had better leadership. If the Confederates had better means of transportation and greater numbers would that have been enough to change the outcome?
Don't use rhetorical questions in an intro, it makes the argument seem weak. In a thesis you want to take a stance that leaves the reader no doubt what you are arguing. Now your second sentence is the only one that seems to take a stance on the topic you are writing on. To make a stronger introduction, restate the questions as statements, ex. But could it be said that the Confederate troops were superior to the Union troops despite their defeat? changes to " However, the confederate army certainly gave it all they had. Where the confederate troops lacked in numbers, they made up for in cunning skill." -Something like that, just worded how you feel is best. Now it is still difficult to decipher what your topic is and what you are arguing exactly. Some advice, plan out your essay by first deciding what your stance is on the issue. And even before that make sure you know what the question is. Analyze your prompt, it likely says something about analyzing and discussing the merits of the confederate army. Rewrite the prompt as a question like "What strengths and weaknesses did the confederacy and what circumstances would be necessarily for them to overcome their weaknesses?".
Now i have no idea what your actual prompt is sorry if that example does not help. Next answer the question and take a clear stance. Research your topic and find evidence to support BOTH sides of the argument, focusing on your side still. Now you can develop claims from the pieces of evidence from your research (always use sources, it builds credibility into your writing). Now make 2 or 3 claims ex, The confederate army consisted of men far more prepared for the brutality and harsh living conditions associated with. war. (your evidence or warrant would point out from a credible source that the men were better conditioned to those kind of conditions for whatever reason).
Finally, the point i was getting to, your 2 or three claims are basically your thesis statement in its most condensed form. Of course you don't write them out fully, you did a good job of this " Confederates were superior because they were previously prepared for harsh living conditions, and also had better leadership.". Just make sure this one sentence effectively answers the question (also 3 points are better than 2). lastly, the question at the end of your introduction needs to be made into a statement. Maybe work it into a claim. That is all for now. Google CSI or CWI (claim support/warrant impact). It is a template for writing effective argumentation in essays and debate. Best of luck.