Being able to attend a UWC for 2 years would serve as my golden opportunity to achieve my goals

United World College Personal Statement

Hi, my name is Raqib and I am applying to UWC and they have asked me to write a personal statement which I am required to submit with my application. Please look into my essay and make any necessary corrections to make it better.

Write a personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school/college and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college and what you would hope to gain from the experience.

Since childhood, I have had a crave to be a person who can be an example for all people around. I wanted to experience diversity and inclusion. Living in Bangladesh, it was close to impossible to find an institution which promoted diversity, offered community service activities, provided an incomparable and experiential education and gave me the platform to be who I wanted to be. Even if there was a school like that, it was close to impossible for my father, a military officer to pay for the school with what he earns. So, having no other options back then I decided to do community service work by collecting money from the streets of Dhaka for children who couldn't afford food and by teaching these unprivileged children. To soothe my crave and experience diversity, I had taken the decision to attend international conferences in South Korea and Singapore. I packed my bags and had the time of my life when I went there and befriended individuals from different corners of the globe. I worked with them to solve global issues in a Model UN. This led me to believe that global collaboration was the answer to solving disputes and other issues. The world which was growing apart could be held together by us adolescents who can spread positivity and peace.

Then came this one day when I read about UWC which was exactly what I was looking for and I also found out that they offered funding for students who were in need of it.

Being able to attend a UWC for 2 years would serve as my golden opportunity to achieve my goals. Not only will it give me access to the type of education I am looking for, it will enable me to grow as a human being, and prepare myself to be the example I wanted to be and become a global ambassador for positive change.

Raqib, you cannot just say that you read something about UWC that made you realize that this is what you were looking for. There is nothing in that statement that will tell the reviewer anything about how you embody the UWC mission and values. The previous paragraph that you wrote, although somewhat responsive to the prompt, is confusing in terms of content and topic discussion. The best thing to do would be to revise the essay in terms of presentation.

Bring the statement you made about UWC being what you are looking for up to the opening statement. Then expand that presentation to relate to the cravings that you had to help people. That will help you align your vision with the objective of the college which is:

... a global education movement that makes education a force to unite people, nations and cultures for peace and a sustainable future.

While your essay is good up to the point of wanting to unite people and diverse cultural experiences, it falls flat when it comes to the sustainable future aspect. Try to develop a paragraph or two that relates to that in your revised version. Aside from that addition and slight revision, the rest of the essay seems pretty solid. You just have to make sure to divide the topic discussions of the first paragraph into 2 because that paragraph is running extra long and has 2 topics being discussed in it. That makes it difficult to remember what you are saying in that paragraph in relation to the UWC mission and vision.