Academic and career goal description for MS in comp science (correct or suggest)

Hi,
I had to fill Academic and career goal for pursuing MS degree in computer science. This is company sponsored program, based on these it will be interviewed by University professor.

Academic goals and Career aspiration:
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- Learn, Teach, Influence technically, Lead and make difference.
- Further academic learning and advanced knowledge is fundamental and will vitalise the potential in me and help realising it on the field.

Value addition to you /Organization after the programme
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- Like to become a core architect.
- Will involve in Design, Development & Optimization of platforms and Wireless Technologies,
- Research on upcoming technologies, realize it on existing or by creating new platforms.
- Will teach/guide other team members with the knowledge gained through the programme

Please correct or suggest more for Academic goals, as that will be base for Univ prof interview.

thanks,
ranjit

Learn, Teach, Influence technically (is this supposed to say "technology?"), Lead and make difference.
Do not capitalize all the words:
To learn, teach, influence the development of technology, function as a leader among my colleagues, and contribute to the achievement of meaningful organizational goals.

Your Academic goals and Career aspirations are TOOOO general!!!
Make them specific:
I want to establish myself in the field of _________ so that I'll have the necessary credibility to found a nonprofit organization to benefit people from ________________. I hope to secure a position that allows me to cntinue my professional development while I work to actualize my vision of a _____________.

Envision your future, and tell them the DETAILS of your plan.
:-)

Academic goals and Career aspiration:
-------------------------------------
- Learn, Teach, Influence technically, Lead and make difference.
- Further academic learning and advanced knowledge is fundamental and will vitalise the potential in me and help realising it on the field.

Please be abot more specific in describing your goals. For e.g., "Teach" - what is your plans regarding that? do you want to be a teacher or are you just talking about sharing your knowledge with others? Also, "make difference" is probably a bit too vague; try to cite a specific example of how you want to make a difference, in which field etc.

When you say "further acdemic learning and advanced knowledge", I don't think that is "fundamental". Advanced and fundamental kind of sounds opposite to each other, so try to reword this segment. I think you should say that your ultimate goal is aligned with an advanced degree.