Hi,
I am working on my essay for graduate admission in the MPH program at the univ of Waterloo. Please comment on my essay... Thank you so much in advance.
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I was fortunate enough to sit through an introductory session for the entering class of MPH students at a university in 2005. The session was intended to give the students a sense of direction of what they can do with their degree. The panel of speakers comprised of the stars of public health like late Dr. Sheila Basrur and Dr. John Frank. I was mesmerized to listen to their achievements, how passionate they were about their work. How they have confronted complex health issues like improving access to health care, controlling infectious disease, reducing environmental hazards etc. They spoke with such conviction and zeal for the field of their work, and why not? Not in many other professions are you able to say "with our collaborated effort we brought about improvement in the quality of life, increased life expectancy, reduced infant mortality worldwide, and reduced or eliminated many communicable diseases." I came out of that session with a sheer thirst for knowledge; knowledge that will enable me to work towards improving people's health and well being; improving the health of Canadians and their health care system. And I knew I was not too far from that dream, at that time I was already working for some great researchers at Cancer Care Ontario (CCO).
My five years of working experience at CCO shaped my knowledge and experience in epidemiologic study designing and project management. While working at CCO I was exposed to collegial research environment, the critical issues that are considered while designing a study, the issues regarding research ethics, confidentiality and privacy issues, and the feasibility factors for study success. Through these activities, my interest in public health has only grown.
As I continued my self-learning and attending seminars and presentations my career path was appearing clearer to me. As a strategic career movement I moved from primary epidemiologic research to health services research, I joined the Canadian Institute for Health Information (CIHI) to work for its Health Services Research department. My experience at CIHI shaped my understanding of the Canadian health system, how it works and its objectives. At CIHI, I contribute towards producing reports for health policy makers, health professionals and scholars on the health of Canadians and the Canadian health system.
At this point in my career I strongly feel the need for academic knowledge which will give me a competitive edge over other professionals and gain knowledge of the factors which influence local, national and global legislative and social policies. I require the academic knowledge to apply broad-based, state-of-the-art quantitative and qualitative skills for problem solving; develop multidisciplinary and collaborative strategies for solving health-related problems and be positioned for a leadership role in health promotion and disease prevention.
I am enthralled by the possibility of working with researchers like Dr. Paul McDonald, and being a part of an institution so renowned for its researchers, who have achieved excellence in the evaluation of health status, statistical analysis of health data and the prevention of illness and injury.
I was mesmerized to listening to their achievements, how passionate they were about their work.
Comma & capitalization:
...able to say, "With our...
At this point in my career I strongly feel the need for academic knowledge which will give me a competitive edge over other professionals and to gain knowledge of the factors which influence local, national and global legislative and social policies. ----I don't know how to explain this suggestion. I did not like the part about feeling a strong need to be more competitive... very wordy and vague.
I am enthralled by the possibility of working with researchers like Dr. Paul McDonald, and being a part of an institution so renowned for its researchers, who have achieved excellence in the evaluation of health status, statistical analysis of health data and the prevention of illness and injury.
If you mention McDonald, give some evidence that you are familiar with his work.
This essay has an abrupt start. As you continue to work on it, try to find inspiration for a meaningful, memorable theme that you'll express in the very first sentence... a sentence that maybe you should add prior to that current first sentence.
:-)
