How do you anticipate that Shanghai will differentiate your MBA experience?

Pursuing my long-term career aspiration to start my own venture in China, I am convinced that an MBA in China will be extremely helpful for my future. Focusing on China market, I considered the city location one of the most important factors for my school selection. Shanghai is always my top choice because I believe it offers the following distinct advantages necessary for my career life.

1. Gain China depth

Over the decades, Shanghai enjoyed a front row seat as China moving quickly to be one of the world's fastest-growing countries. Given Shanghai's leading place across China, deep understanding about Shanghai market will be essential to accomplish my career aspiration to develop China market. Aside from analyzing the local market from the business point of view, studying MBA in Shanghai city will also offer me opportunities to live and breathe with the city, experiencing and observing the market from a citizen's perspective.

2. Be a world-class professional

Living in such a world metropolis will help me broaden global view, keep competitiveness and develop high adaptability. Like New York, London or Tokyo, Shanghai is one of the global cities fascinating many top talents around the world and creating the best environment to meet quality professionals of different domains. Studying and working with high-quality professionals will only make me want to keep enhancing my capabilities. Understanding the environment is competitive and tense, I think the experience will be valuable for me to be a future leader.

3. More opportunities in a business capital

Known as the "The Pearl of the Orient," Shanghai has already become one of the undisputed business capitals around the world. Accordingly, taking Shanghai as a gateway to the China market, many multinational companies located their regional headquarters in this city. More companies mean more job openings. The great location of Shanghai creates expanding opportunities for me to achieve my short-term post-MBA goal as a business development manager. Along with the extensive alumni network of CEIBS, Shanghai will be the best location to establishes solid networking foundation for my long-term career aspiration to start my own venture.

Pepper, in your first listing, change the term to "Gaining and In-Depth Knowledge of China". The current version of your subtitle is incomplete and does not make sense. I also believe that you need to give a solid example or two of how China can offer you a unique opportunity to observe the market from the Chinese perspective. For that matter, you should try to provide solid examples of how you plan to use your China experience to build your MBA experience. That way you can present yourself as someone who has given this study opportunity great thought.

For the second list, what parts of this study program will help you to become a world - class professional? Indicate some training programs or internships that can help set the Shanghai learning experience apart from the other MBA programs offered by other Chinese universities. In relation to that, try to explain what opportunities the university offers you in terms of building your network that you feel will help further your training in this field.

The overall problem that I can see with your essay is that you have not really presented the reviewer with a clear idea as to how familiar you are with the university program in relation to the Shanghai experience. There is a lack of personal connection between the program and your representation of your plans for your study time in China. The essay comes across as too sanitized right now. It is carefully crafted, but does not allow the reviewer to gain an insight into the development of your personal, social, and professional side in relation to your study experience. Those are important aspects of this essay as well because these character developments will definitely help to create a unique Shanghai study experience for you.