'the area of Reservoir Engineer' - Statement for petroleum engineer

Who can help me to check this statement?

It is with great pleasure that I submit my application packet for a XXX. I am currently completing my education in the XXX, with one of my emphasis in the area of Reservoir Engineer.

I believe the XXX offers me the greatest opportunity to expand my education in some very meaningful areas of interest. My career interests lead me towards to define reservoir sources, calculate fluid volume and Phase Transfer and Critic Events in Petroleum Engineering. I want to help the progress of the Azerbaijan Oil and Gas Industry which was situated on the top of the big petroleum industries list all over the world in this area 50 years ago. I believe the information and education that the XXX will offer me further develop all of the skills, qualifications, and understanding of what is required to be a reservoir engineer. I also feel the faculty at the University of Manchester is most qualified to help me to attain my goals.

When I gave exam to university and I gathered 632 points out of 700 points in order to I have been awarded USD 100.00 grant per month and I have got a free education by the our government. Beside of this, I won scholarship by British Petroleum (BP) and State Oil Company of Azerbaijan Republic and had internship in Oil Rocks by Socar. This gave me a chance to expand my skills and the opportunity to learn to perform different engineering roles which have further increased my understanding of engineering and prove that I am a fast learner. I believe my experience will serve me well as a keen student and as a petroleum engineer. I participated in symposiums and conferences which provided by Caspian Engineers Society (CES), BP Oil Company, Weatherford Drilling Company.

I see XXX as a wonderful next step for me in attaining my ambitions. Admission to the master's program at University of Manchester would be a crucial step in my academic, professional and personal life and ambitions. I was grateful for the opportunity to submit this application for your consideration. Please contact me if there is anything else I need to provide. I look forward to communicating with you in the near future.

It is with great pleasure that I submit my application packet for a XXX. I am currently completing my education in the XXX, with one of my emphasis in the area of Reservoir Engineer.

My career interests lead me towards to defining reservoir sources, calculating fluid volume and Phase Transfer and Critic Events in Petroleum Engineering.

I want to help the progress of the Azerbaijan Oil and Gas Industry, which was situated on...

When I took my exam at university and I gathered 632 points out of 700 points in order to I have been awarded USD 100.00 grant per month and I have got a free education by the our government.

Besidesof this, I won a scholarship from British Petroleum (BP) and State Oil Company of Azerbaijan Republic and had an internship in Oil Rocks by Socar.

I see XXX as a wonderful next step for me in attaining my ambitions. Admission to the master's program at University of Manchester would be a crucial step in my academic, professional and personal life.and ambitions.

I am grateful for the opportunity to submit this application for your consideration.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)