"Bolashak" - My wish to study at Britain

I have thought twice where I will have my Master's degree program. Since last year, I started to look through universities, programs, but no one of it, I did not like the program "Bolashak". For me the program "Bolashak" absolutely consists of advantages. Each person has his own priorities that help them to reach their goals. For me such conditions are the development and creativity because it always comes first, whether it's studying or work. To any deal I come tactfully and seriously, where development and creativity are important prerequisites for me. And, the same conditions I would like to create and as part of my country. I want my citizens of my country to have the opportunity to develop new ways of solving problems, it will reduce the burden of my country and help become one of the best countries in the world. I already have some ideas that will bring positive results to my country. But furthermore I would like to share my ideas, experiences among like-minded people from all the world. Program "Bolashak" is an excellent chance for me to realize my future plans and all I need to provide this program. It will help me as in my development so in the implementation of my plans to improve the quality of life of Kazakhstan. Also this program gives me a great opportunity to gain knowledge from leading English teachers in the walls of the best British universities because their reputation is impeccable for centuries.

And for me it is the most important fact for admission to master degree according to program "Bolashak". I want to skill what I will receive at the end of my master's degree. I'm sure that all knowledge that I receive at british university will help me in carrying out my plans.

Excellent work i would say !

what is the prompt of this essay?

Thanks) didn't you notice any mistakes?

This year I want with a help of one program attend at university. I checked this essay about 15 times, correcting mistakes. But I'm not sure that it's ideal. That's why I published it here, maybe someone will find any mistakes.

Its not clear what you want to say.Again, you said you did not like the program Bolashak and then you are taking about its advantages

I want my citizens of my country to have the opportunity to develop new ways of solving problems, it will reduce the burden of my country and help become one of the best countries in the world

I want the citizens of my country to have the opportunity for developing new ways of solving problems as it will reduce the burden of my country and help it become one of the best in the world.

I already have some ideas that will bring positive results to my country
what are the ideas? try to share some.
what is the word limit?

But furthermore I would like to share my ideas, experiences among like-minded people from all the world.

try this out,hope this helps..all the best..:)

No, here "it will reduce the burden of my country and" I'm saying about all problems in my country. Time limit is 300 words. Do u think that I should share my ideas here?

If the limit is 300, then no.
However, you can to lot more better than this..only submit it when you are very confident.Moreover, i'm an undergrad aspirant just trying to help. don't take my comments harshly..all the best.

you use "Skill" after Want to, what does this word mean in this sentence?
it will reduce the burden of my country and (help become) one of the best countries in the world => helps What to become ?


=> you should use ''and", it's better than a comma

"I want to skill"-I wanted to say that I want to practise all my knowledges in my country, how better to say it in one word?

"it will reduce the burden of my country and help become one of the best countries"- it's better to say "help to become"?