'my choice of thesis research reflects the goal' - PhD Finance SOP

Hey Everyone!

I would really appreciate it if you could critique my essay for PhD in Finance programs. I have written XXX for privacy in some parts.

Thanks!

The road to economic recovery after the 2008 financial crisis has been bumpy. Analysts predict that it may be several years before the global financial markets will be restored; however, analysts fail to find anomalies with the current financial equations and models that are used ï why not? I firmly believe that human behavior should be incorporated into financial models because humans are involved in practically applying these statistical models and therefore influencing the outcome.

I want to mathematically model human behavioral patterns and include them into the financial equations and models that professionals use in the hope that cyclical global recessions and consequently people's financial burdens are reduced. As a human being, it is my responsibility to lessen the burden of my fellow friends. I am and always will be a globally minded citizen and my choice of thesis research reflects this aim. I have been ruminating on this topic for many months and I know that I have the perfect background to pursue this research.

I am pursuing a very rigorous course that comprises a Bachelor's degree in Biochemistry/Biophysics and a Master's degree in Financial Engineering and Risk Analytics within four years. My strong background in mathematical methods and computer programming complemented with my degree in biochemistry will help me to effectively pursue this research.

My journey as a researcher began during my first year at XXX when I started as an undergraduate research assistant in Professor XXX lab working on the Pyrococcus abyssi DNA Polymerase II intein. By my third year of college, I was able to successfully fourth author a paper named "XXX". The late nights and long hours that I spent on this research project gave me the determination and tenacity required for higher education. Furthermore, by joining the Master's in Financial Engineering program, I discovered that I am suited best for and most interested in financial research.

My interest in superimposing human behavioral models with financial models arose during my Financial Trading class where I learned that selling stocks has less effect on market prices than buying stocks. If stocks are bought and sold with minute differences in prices in real time trading, why do these differences exist? I believe the explanation is because human behaviors are not incorporated into the models being used today. The models that are used today will have to be incorporated more with human behavioral patterns to better predict the impact of changing events and reduce market volatility. I suspect that the markets are reflections of human behavior rather than just models of efficiency, and my background in biochemistry and finance will help me to study this.

Given the opportunity, I would love to pursue this research at XXX ï an institution that is well-known for its higher education and excellent finance professors. While doing my PhD at XXX, I also want to teach students. I have found through my many tutoring experiences that I am a very good teacher and know exactly how to help students learn their subject matter, from chemistry or chess. Though my primary aim is to produce top-notch research, I also want to touch student's lives by being a great professor and I can only do this by studying with XXX and its esteemed faculty.

" I learned that selling stocks has less effect on market prices than buying stocks" ....lesser

I 'suspec t' that the markets----change it to some other word like I believe or in my opinion something like that...it sounds more like you are doubting which I believe is not the case!

"Given the opportunity, I would love to pursue this research at XXX - an institution that is well-known for its higher education and excellent finance professors. While doing my PhD at XXX, I also want to teach students. I have found through my many tutoring experiences that I am a very good teacher and know exactly how to help students learn their subject matter, from chemistry or chess. Though my primary aim is to produce top-notch research, I also want to touch student's lives by being a great professor and I can only do this by studying with XXX and its esteemed faculty."....if it doesn't hurt your word limit for the SOP, please support it with some examples.

Hope this may help! good luck with your application! :) I would be happy if you could review back my essay as well!

Thanks!

Thanks a lot! I've taken your changes into account :) I will critique your essay as well.

Anyone else?