Computer Science and Math, reason for choosing this master track, goals - Munich

Hello.

I have to write an essay in which to describe the reasons I choose the CS Master Track (around 500 words).

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have always enjoyed studying Computer Science and Mathematics. Encouraged and guided by my parents, both professors of Mathematics, I have focused on these fields from a very early age. I learned my first programming language, Pascal, when I was 10 years old and attended the highest rated science high school [High-school name]. The challenging environment in which I grew stimulated me intellectually and made me want to excel in my every activity. Starting with middle school and continuing through high school, I participated in most of the major Computer Science and Mathematics competitions I have known. My most notable achievements, besides other various regional and national prizes, are winning the Gold Medal in 2005 at [Inlt. Contest 1], winning the Silver Medal in 2005 at [Inlt. Contest 2], and, the most important, winning the Bronze Medal in 2007 at [Inlt. Contest 3].

When finishing high school it was obviously clear to me what studies I wanted to pursue. Unfortunately, I had to face a hard choice, when having to opt for one of the two most renowned universities in my country: [Univ. 1] and [Univ. 2]. Not wanting to make a poor choice, I attended both universities during the first year of Bachelor studies, successfully completing it in both locations. I found that the [Univ. 1] is a better match for my interests. Since then I have been focusing only on it and I am very happy with my choice. Here I met my mentor, [Prof. name], my current Bachelor Diploma Project supervisor, who introduced me to the field of Information Security and Cryptography. I love how the challenging problems in this area require an in-depth knowledge of both Computer Science and Mathematics and, therefore I have followed all available courses at my university on this topic. I am also very pleased that alongside my studies I have had the fantastic opportunity to further gain knowledge and experience. Since May 2010, I have been employed as a Software Developer at [Comp. name], one of the world's leading security software providers. Here I work together with the best software developers in the country and I have been involved in two projects: [Proj. 1] and [Proj. 2]

My aim is to purse a career in research, either in academia or in industry and to this end I want to take the next step: obtain a Master's degree. I have heard highly of the University of Munich (UoM) and I think it is a perfect match for my goals. With its technological infrastructure, broad knowledge base, worldwide reputation and successful alumni, this institution and, moreover, the Computer Science Master degree at UoM, are the perfect framework for my career development. One of the most attractive features of this Master track is the wide array of optional courses available. Both research-focused and industrial-oriented classes like "Communications Engineering", "Security and Fault Tolerance in Distributed Systems" or "Distributed and Parallel Systems" suit my interests closely. Nonetheless, having the possibility to enhance my knowledge in an international environment, experience a tremendous cultural diversity and working side by side with some of the best professors and young researchers at your university, is as much as a challenge as it is a pride.

Alongside my academic goals, my education and my work, I am an active person and I appreciate social activities and interacting with people very much. I have regularly organized various events at my university; I am the Vice-president of the Students' Association, and the Students' Representative in the Faculty Council Board. I also enjoy music and in my spare time I play the piano and the guitar.

My aforementioned qualities and accomplishments are my commitment to become a reputable researcher, a respected coworker and a well-developed person. I believe that my academic background, my work assessments and my life experiences make me a worthy and competitive candidate for the admission at the Computer Science Master degree offered by the University of Munich.

[Date] Yours faithfully,

...participated in most of the major Computer Science and Mathematics competitions I have known accessible to me.

comma: Here I work together with the best software developers in the country, and I have been involved in two projects: [Proj. 1] and [Proj. 2]

Alongside my academic goals, my education and my work, I am an active person and I appreciate social activities and interacting with people very much. ----This sentence is professionally and efficiently written just like the rest of the essay, but it is very plain and uninteresting. I think you can replace it with a sentence that really expresses your own idea about the activities.

comma: I also enjoy music, and in my spare time (music is art, and art is not something to be done in spare time. Time spent acting on inspiration is time that cannot be spared.) I play the piano and the guitar.

You wrote this very well. I think you should feel confident, and I hope you have a lot of success!!

Hello Kevin,

Thanks for your response and for the suggestion: I will look into it next week.
Regarding my essay, I have made (a few) changes, cutting some boring and useless sentences, along with adding a new introduction and ending.

Intro: It has been said that the aim of education is to develop individuals that are capable of doing new things, not simply repeating what other generations have done. With this philosophy in mind, my goal is to further my knowledge and focus on research, whether academic or industry oriented. I intend to continue my studies with a challenging Master degree and concentrate on Information Security. I believe the exciting opportunities that the Computer Science Department at the University of Munich suit perfectly with my background and future goals and, therefore, I wish to apply for this graduate program.

"Outro":Since childhood I had the desire to excel in my every activity and struggled to give my best to further my knowledge. Therefore, my passion for science is my commitment to succeed. From the countless competitions, lectures and workplace tasks, I have learned one important thing. Only through diligent work you can fulfill your dreams and expectations. To become Someone you have first to reach Somewhere, and that road to Somewhere is paved with education.

These two selections of writing are great, very interesting and meaningful. I like that first line about education preparing us to do new things instead of repeating the actions of previous generations. You successfully capture the reader's attention.

Hey, I like this part, too, and I think it would be good with a colon:
... and workplace tasks, I have learned one important thing: Only through diligent ...