the EECS department: MS in Computer Science SOP - Reviews Requested

Hi All,
This is my first attempt to write an SOP for Sept 2011 Computer Science. Do review this and let me know your comments and suggestions...

...I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep... When I look back now and reflect these words have had intense impact on me from the time I read through them. Coming from a family background where not many have completed their basic degrees, I have been motivated by the fact that a person has to leave behind...

when we speak about something in general, nouns should be used in plural forms. Therefore I think it is better to add s at the end of these nouns

From my childhood I was fascinated by the electronic wonders - computers

Yes pendar. got it. any other corrections in the sop? i would like to know about the flow and anything that has to be removed..

As if those without a degree cannot leave a legacy...?


Some words of appreciation would help here.

to a great extent.---too wordy
...and I started writing programs that solve mathematical problems, which actuated my logical and analytical thinking capabilities. to a great extent.

hyphen:
life-changing

Thing is usually not a good word to use because it is unnecessarily vague:
The first observation that struck me when working at IBM was one of our ...

Refer to the quote again at the end of the essay.

Also, I think you should mention your knack for analytical thinking, etc. only once and dedicate that first paragraph to showing how the quote represents dedication to making a real contribution to the world as a way of honoring your parents' gift to you. The essay is impressive, and the only part I don't like is that the first para seems conceited. Make this about appreciation. :-)

Thanks for you comments and reviews. Keeping in mind the comments, i have revamped the whole SOP and have put it below.

Request your reviews on that. I am applying for a PhD program directly.

I wish to earn a Ph.D. in Computer Science, and later, a career in research and teaching. I have spoken to my professors, seniors and colleagues about my choice of University, and have applied to MIT because going through research projects at CSAIL, I feel at home with some of the projects like Haystack and UID (User Interface Design).

Project Automate under Haystack caught my attention because I have always tried to implement programs which sense places and work on their own. My last attempt on this was the design of a J2ME application which uses the phone microphone to identify the location based noises and change the profiles of the mobile automatically to silent and adjust the ringer volume automatically. It was not hugely successful and had some minor glitches which I believe can be ironed out with better research.

Coming from a background where not many have completed basic degrees, I have been deeply motivated by my parents who have stood strong behind my every step till date. My father, a business veteran of 30 years, taught me the priceless virtues of perseverance and forethought through the reins of family business. My interest in computers dates back to grade 6 when I started C programming and my interest in electronics, infused into me by a cousin who was an electronics hobbyist. I realized along the way that the problem-solving aspect of electronics and computers was what I enjoyed the most. Engineering was a natural career choice after this.

Observing my keen interest in hardware and software, a leading training institute gave me an opportunity to obtain a diploma in computer hardware in 10th grade. My high school days were punctuated with intricacies of .NET and Java. My analytical and problem solving skills were greatly enhanced due to the countless programs I wrote to solve the mathematical issues which were part of my high school learning.

During my undergraduate studies in the electronics and communications department of Anna University, I was intrigued with the basic concepts that drove the communication framework between devices. My enrollment into a two year software engineering degree in NIIT and this interest gave way to a new idea for my research topic.

Electing to design a new communication transmission model with CDMA systems, I went one step forward and implemented it in a TMS320C50 processor using C language. The project caught the interest of Texas Instruments who sponsored the processors to be used for the research. I gained a lot from this research - in particular, an idea of how rewarding and meaningful a career in research would be. The more tangible benefits have been a deeper insight into the architecture of processors and the beauty of C language. The knowledge gaps I faced during this period were instrumental in my decision of applying for a Masters.

My two year stint with software engineering introduced me to some of the new technologies that drove the internet. I still remember the day when I did my first AJAX website for NIIT for a national level competition Tech Rhapsody and got the second place competing with people from IITs. During course of my project, I realized it was an ocean of data out there on the internet and how difficult it was to catalog my knowledge so that it can be used later. This line of thought gave me confidence to design an application CD/DVD cataloger which has an intelligent brain to learn the CDs/DVDs and catalog the files in it. The software was widely accepted as I released it under open source with CNET.com giving it maximum downloads and a 5 star rating.

My first job at IBM was to design automation systems for use with real life situations. I designed a estimation tool, with a prediction brain of its own, could predict the cost, revenue and also schedule the testing activities across a 500+ team based in various locations. My knowledge in electronics came in useful since the client was NORTEL, a communication leader.

Going forward, I designed an intuitive team management framework which now manages more than 2000 people across multiple projects. The system strives to provide an intelligent reporting to mangers when and where they need it.

I also went on to design an intelligent system, christened as iHiring, to streamline IBM's hiring process and provide excellent data analytics which is currently in prototype implementation stage at the India delivery center.

Wanting to ensure a holistic growth, I involved myself in teaching and mentoring in IBM. I mentored 10 people in areas of Java technology and also involved myself in business facilitation to help new IBMers get settled at IBM.

My present job has helped me develop a though insight into project handling and innovativeness but not able to support my desire for research. I possess industry-hardened skills in programming, but must build on these to achieve my goal of undertaking cutting-edge research in advanced computing, with specific reference to handling and organizing data and therefore believe that I must return to the academic world for further growth.

I bring along a strong grasp of fundamentals in Electronics and Computers, an aptitude for teaching and team work, a zest for challenges and an enthusiastic desire to learn all I can. I would like to take with me, in addition to knowledge of data analytics and presentation, a network of strong and lasting relationships with my teachers and fellow-students.