Hi everyone. Please let me know about your comments. Thanks a lot.
In my childhood, my mother had a set of Time-Life picture books. One was called The Birds. In that book was a look at several birds that were very likely to extinct including the duck white, curlew, white-backed vulture and the Siberian crane. I was astounded. The Siberian crane which is the most long distance migratory crane was in the danger of extinction and its population was reduced to only a single in my country, with no hope of saving it. I couldn't understand how anyone could tolerate this. That day, I promised myself to do my best to save my environment and I worked hard to prevent this from ever happening again. Of course, things have gone much farther downhill since then, but that doesn't mean we don't all keep trying. From those years, I previse my own career moving in the direction of environmental concerns which shall start from starting levels of environmental engineering and gaining as much experience and maturity as possible to improve myself in this course to ultimately be achieved in future career.
My tendency toward environment inspired me to look for a career as an environmental engineer when I was at high school. In 2006, I gained the best GPA (19.63/20) and ranked the first in the final exams of high school diploma, as I did in almost the entire high school period, among other students. In the next year, I ranked 981 among nearly 400,000 participants in the National Universities Entrance Exam. I was admitted to ***, a prestigious university in the country, in ***. My undergraduate education at *** has provided me with a strong and comprehensive background in environmental management. The curriculum included basic courses such as "Principles of Environmental Protection", "Safety in Industry" and "Principles of Industrial Water Treatment". I frequented the library to refer to different kinds of professional journals and periodicals such as International Journal of Environmental Science and Technology, Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and International Water Association (IWA) to keep myself updated about newest developments in environmental science and activities about the conservation and reduction of the negative impact of human involvement in our natural environment. I tried to keep au courant with the latest developments in each field by attending various wonderful lectures. Through hard work in studying my courses and other contents out of the textbooks, I gained several first grades in various courses such as Heat Transfer, Fluid Mechanics, Mechanics of Materials, Vector Mechanics, Analytical Chemistry and Organic Chemistry. I obtained an overall GPA of 17.79 out of 20, and the first place among 37 students in my class in 2008. In 2009 and following these achievements, Professor ***, dean of our university, noticed my interest in Environmental Engineering and kindly accepted me to do research in his laboratory as the only undergraduate student in his research group. We started the HAZOP (Hazard and Operability) study of Catalytic Reformer Unit of *** Oil Refinery (Industrial Project). My duty was analyzing PFDs and P&IDs, considering Environmental and Energy concerns, preparing worksheets and also participating in HAZOP meetings as technical scriber. I have studied unit processes and worked with the operators to identify bottlenecks, inefficiencies and opportunities for equipment improvement. Being proficient in a number of computer simulation programs such as PHAST and Aspen helped me be more effective in the group. After one year of intensive work, the project was completed and I gained much valuable knowledge of refinery and environmental concerns. For me, this project was the inception for a wider horizon. When I experienced the application of environmental engineering in industry and realized how environmental engineers inspect industrial and municipal facilities and programs in order to evaluate operational effectiveness and ensure compliance with environmental regulations, I got interested more than before. After this project, I co-authored one paper titled "Loss Prevention and Reduction Analysis Using HAZOP-Based Method on a Catalytic Reformer Unit" for "The Third International Conference on HSE" in 2011. This paper briefly describes useful methods to reduce loss of row materials during plant process in order to maximize efficiency and minimize environment pollution.
After completing my B.Sc. degree, I found myself in transitional period between undergraduate and graduate studies. Though I would have preferred to directly continue graduate studies after graduation, I opted to take a year off. A year away from school, I reasoned, would afford me the time needed to recuperate from an exhaustive undergraduate education, gain some perspective, and work for a company, related to what I demand to pursue in my future studies. Graduating *** engineering with a good academic background, I proved to be quite indispensable, operational-wise for *** Company, the biggest Iranian International Oil and Gas Company. I am currently an engineer at ***. By working for ***, I reached a more practical view of my future career. This experience gave me invaluable opportunity to implement my technical knowledge in to real world and to conduct a project as safety and environmental engineer. Now, I well understand that research, project management and other responsibilities demand much of an Environmental Engineer's attention and they are involved in both local and global environmental protection efforts such as air and water pollution control, recycling, and waste disposal.
Having experienced a stimulating, formidable and fruitful undergraduate study and one-year work experience, I believe I have acquired the necessary theoretical background and practical experience for further study. I have chosen to study in the *** for several reasons. I have always had great interest in the richness of European culture and I am aware that the universities in Europe offer a great scope for intellectual and academic development. Taking part in Environmental Engineering Program at *** definitely is a natural development of my academic career. From the course of my undergraduate training, I know that this opportunity will be challenging and competitive, and that taking part in this program will lay a solid foundation for my future career. It would be an honor to be a part of the Environmental Engineering program of your excellent university.
Sincerely yours,
***
Hi there! I just read over your statement and it seems like you've achieved a lot and have a great deal of experience to show for this. However, I think you need to make your statement directed more towards why you want to be in this field and what you would like to accomplish. The information you provided (your GPA, past schools, curriculum) can all be taken out. This information will be found in your resume and your transcripts, so theres no need for you to tell it to them again. Essentially, the admissions board will know that you are smart, but they want to see that you are driven. I hope this helps. I think you have to revise your content more, and then post again for more grammar changes and such. Good luck!
