Hello,
I wrote this essay for Boston University but i didn't get in sadly :( i wanted to post it here to see if its worth sending to other universities. Help me out please.
Write a narrative about your life. This should include information about your accomplishments, family, educational experience, and outside activities. Be creative rather than philosophic. Remember that you are writing for a reader who knows nothing about you or your background.
Almost 24 years ago, I was born in a land far, far away, in a city called Lahore in Pakistan. It was a beautiful place full of warm, lively people, infectious and bustling. One day when I was 12 years old, I merrily hopped into my room, finally glad that my hurtful cousins had left, only to find my mother crying. What she told me matured me far beyond my years. My mother had been a victim of emotional abuse by her in-laws for years. Shocked and hurt, I became her confidant and her best friend from that day onwards. She taught me through her advice and her actions that life can be what we dream it to be if only we work hard. Her tolerance, strength and determination in the face of adversity always astounded me.
Fighting her battles alongside her only made me a pariah in my own family and I took refuge in the world of books. An interest in reading transformed into an obsession to escape into the literary world of imagination where every new chapter took me to a new world, introducing me to great men and women of different times. The vision they had, their inspiration to people and then moving heaven and earth to reach their objectives had a lasting impact on me. As an additional benefit it also gave me a superb command over English and earned me certificates and awards for English and Best Reader throughout my school life. I became the sub-editor of my school magazine during my O' Levels and the Chief Editor during A levels.
School was the one place where I knew criticism was constructive and not an implied taunt so I excelled there. A stellar student during high school, I participated actively in debating and dramatics. My stint as a debater didn't last long as I developed stage fright soon after 10th grade, so I shifted to resource, using the knowledge I had to help others prepare their speeches. I was made the vice captain of my school house and then captain during my A Levels. I was never interested in sports much but swimming was always a passion for me where I vented my frustrations as I cleaved through the water.
Yet the darkest phase of my life came during my A levels when fresh from an all-girls institute I stepped into the co-ed world of education. My life changed in ways I cannot even fathom when I got into a relationship with a friend. As my aunt was the administrator of the school at the time, she managed to turn my parents against me and from then on my life became a living hell as I fought tooth and nail against the family for their intrusion into what was my personal life. The persecution wasn't limited to my home; it was executed in school as well where I was abused in front of my friends and juniors on the flimsiest of excuse by my aunt. The worst blow came when the guy, I went against my family for, went abroad for his Bachelors and broke up with me right before my A' Levels examinations. Unable to study or even think, I performed badly and barely scraped through. It was at the moment, when I told my mother my result, that I actually realized how much I had let my mother down. She had given me so much but had asked for so little. I saw the disappointment in my mother's eyes and that made me vow to set goals and work hard in university to achieve them. (I do not believe that I came up short in that regard for I graduated with honors with a CGPA of 3.31.)
I got admission for my bachelor's degree in mass communication/journalism in hopes of achieving a good career in the future, though not quite sure what I wanted out of my life. It was after I took the major, I realized that somehow my decision of taking up mass communication was the right choice. It constantly challenged me to come up with something new and creative; to define the old in new ways. The four years of my undergraduate were a thoroughly invigorating experience full of projects and assignments which compelled me to push the boundaries a little further with each step. From presenting a video-taped interview as a pretend press conference, to campaigning against child abuse and self-defense, I constantly strived to do something new, something different.
My enthusiasm for the creative arts allowed me to soak in as much knowledge as I could that was offered in my university. I attended an IRC workshop during my junior year where I learned the minutia of documentary making. The workshop entailed shooting, directing, producing and finally editing- all to be done in four days. It was a nerve-wracking experience which taught me a great deal as to how to work under pressure. In my final semester, I took a majors course in Graphic designing and learned the intricacies of director and adobe flash software. Photoshop was a software that I was already well familiar with since I had started designing for projects and assignments since my sophomore year. Following my need to allow my creative side some leeway, I interned at a local advertising agency, Evernew Concepts Ltd where I worked as a copywriter along with working in the Public Relations department. I realized then that my future lay in either of these fields.
Extracurricular events were not on the top of my list during my undergraduate, though, I worked in one annual play which was a parody of Shakespeare's works. After that I concentrated on the academic side of my university life and, I am quite proud to say, achieved a 4.0 GPA in my 5th semester. Despite that I was an active member of a group of four students who came together to bring into existence a student-run newsletter for our university, KC Times. It started off as an assignment for a course in Magazine Production but later developed as an unofficial newsletter by the students of Kinnaird College. Even though we have graduated, the newsletter is still in circulation with our juniors heading the roost.
In 2009, when the military began its operation in SWAT against the Taliban, millions of people were forced to migrate within their own country. I along with a few friends collected monetary donations from different universities and helped the internally-displaced people by buying them food, new clothing, clean water and more. I volunteered again, in 2010, with a non-profit organization Green Volunteers which collects money for the rehabilitation of flood-affected victims in Pakistan.
These varied experiences have combined to make me the tolerant, confident young woman I am today; I value the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life and hope to share my experiences and knowledge with others to help broaden their own personalities.
Her tolerance, strength and determination in the face of adversity have always astounded me.
School was the one place where I knew criticism was constructive, and not an implied taunt, so I excelled there.
The persecution wasn't limited to my home; it was executed in school as well, where I was abused in front of my friends and juniors on the flimsiest of excuse s by my aunt.
The worst blow came when the guy---no comma here.
I got admission for my bachelor's degree in mass communication/journalism in hopes of achieving a good career in the future, though not quite sure what I wanted out of my life.
Despite the fact that I was an active member of a group of four students who ...
I volunteered again, in 2010, with a non-profit organization called Green Volunteers which collects money for the rehabilitation of flood-affected victims in Pakistan.
This is excellent, I could only find these minor things to correct. Good luck in school, though I don't think you'll need it!
:)
