Personal factors to strenghten consideration of application for MBA program

Hello guys...This particular university has peculiarly asked for 3 essays unlike others which asks you to explain why MBA? I have tried hard to answer this 3 essays, but still feel something missing...The total word limit is 1500 words but i have written everything i could within some 600 odd words...Pls feel free to make any suggessions...Thanking you for your help in advance :)

1) Which school and community organisations did you join while in college and what are your major contributions to these organisation?

I have been a part of various clubs in both my school and college days. I have been an active member of the Nature Club. As a member of the nature club, I organised turtle walk with the aim of saving turtles hatching from the egg to reach the sea without being harmed by its predators. I also worked with HelpAge India to create awareness and assisted in raising funds for the care of elderly. I have also worked as an event manager and a core organizing committee member for the technical Symposium " PRANAV" that was planned at our college. At present I'm a active member of the Hypnotic circle from which I learnt self hypnosis and NLP. I'm also a member of Madras Management Association and have attended various seminars and work shops conducted by it.

2) Describe 3 most substantial accomplishments till date, and what personal traits or qualities enabled you to accomplish these?

Leadership and Management have been my forte since my school days. I have assumed various leadership roles throughout my school life, the most significant of those being elected as the Assistant House Captain at High School. While campaigning for the election, I promised only things that could be accomplished. My persuasiveness and sense of humour helped me in striking the chord with my schoolmates. My second major accomplishment was during Pradarshan (paper presentation ) conducted by the Computer Science and Engineering Department of National Institute of Technology, Trichy. The topic me and my friend chose was 'Smart Sensors', the primary goal of which was to help paralysed people. Our abstract was waitlisted initially and we were invited to present only a day before presentation. With only a few hours left, we were not ready with the power point presentation. We both sat together in the train while travelling and prepared the power point presentation. Not only did we successfully complete our presentation, we also won the forth prize. My third major accomplishment was submitting the techno- commercial feasibility report for M/s Andra Cement Ltd for upgrading their cement plant from 1.4 mio MTPA to 3.5 mio MTPA for which ERCOM was appointed as the consultant for IDBI bank. I was entrusted with the responsibility of preparing the report. The expectation from me by my colleagues were a lot as I was the Managing Director's son. I was much appreciated by my senior colleagues for studying the site conditions and coming out with the report in the allotted time.

3) In addition to academics qualifications and work experience, what other personal factors can you cite to strengthen consideration for your application?

Interest, aptitude and the personality are the three major factors that decides a persons success in any field. I strongly believe I possess all the three to do an MBA program. I have a strong analytical and spatial ability. The knowledge I gained from my engineering along with the aptitude has helped me a lot . Having lived with my father for so long, I was naturally inclined towards his business as an individuals character and interest is determined by the environment he grows in. I learnt things by observing the manner in which he works. I strongly believe that the academic experience at your university will add to my personal skill set in addition to my family business background. As a child I have seen my family struggle on the path to economic stability. And today, as I write this I can safely say that my father has achieved his goals and much more through constant hard work. His success story has been my inspiration and I look forward to emulating his victories in life, in my own way in the long run.

Each of the three sections needs an answer that begins with an awesome sentence. The first sentence of each answer should be so meaningful that it could be the only sentence if it wanted to be.

For example, revise this sentence so that it expresses some unique, interesting idea:
I have been a part of various clubs in both my school and college days. When you read the rest of that first answer, what message does it all add up to? What is the real meaning? You have to be feeling inspired and creative when you give this awesome sentence.

The second essay also needs to have its first sentence infused with meaning. Just because you use the word "forte" doesn't mean the sentence is meaningful. You can say those 2 have been your forte, but you also have to add some words to make the sentence express a unique idea. Wait for inspiration to come! :-)

I like the first sentence here: Interest, aptitude and the personality are the three major factors that decides a persons success in any field. --This sentence gets the essay off to a meaningful start.

The first sentence is always most important...