Hello,
I am applying for a scholarship on DAAD please could you check this motivation letter and give me feedback. I am in a hurry
Dear DAAD's Scholarship Selection Committee,
With this letter I hereby would like to express my motivation for a master program in Embedded Systems offered by Albert Ludwig University of Freiburg or Kaiserslautern University of Technology within the special scholarship program "Leadership for Syria" to become a leader and a professor in my country's universities as soon as this terrible conflict is over.
Let me first express my deep appreciation for your government help for Syrian refugees. It is truly an honorable stand.
[...]
Ahmad, let me start off by saying that this letter is too long. It presents way too much information about you that tends to run on and on and on. Not all of this information is necessary in a scholarship application essay. I strongly suggest that you whittle down the information provided to only the most important bits and pieces that will present you in the best light to the scholarship committee. Try not to go over 500 words, or 2 pages maximum, double spaced. Even such a letter would already be considered a bit too long but is still within acceptable limits.
In your essay, you need to concentrate on explaining why you feel you deserve the scholarship. This is usually based upon academic merits and social awareness, added to the financial aspect of your application. Whatever your intentions for the future, after you complete your studies through the help of the scholarship should also be mentioned in order to show that you have a career planned for yourself.
You should devote a paragraph or two to explaining how the scholarship can help you achieve these intentions. By representing the way that the scholarship foundation can help you, there is a chance that you will also be able to discuss how you plan to repay them for their act of kindness either by giving back to your community or becoming a scholarship sponsor yourself in the future. Those are just some ideas that I believe you can present in the essay. You can discuss anything you want.
Right now, our main concern is cutting down the word count, lessening the paragraphs, and making the essay more interesting to the reader. The grammatical errors can be fixed after those problems are cleaned up :-)
Thank you for your response vangiespen
In the instruction they say this:
"Motivation Letter (1-3 pages) containing a precise description of the applicant's academic / professional and personal reasons for wishing to participate in the LfS-programme and, in the case of a master's project, for the choice of degree program"
However, what part do you suggest to cut out?
How about this and which part do you think i should less.
Dear DAAD's Scholarship Selection Committee,
With this letter I hereby would like to express my motivation for a master program in Embedded Systems offered by Albert Ludwig University of Freiburg or Kaiserslautern University of Technology within the special scholarship program "Leadership for Syria" to become a leader and a professor in my country's universities as soon as this terrible conflict is over.
Let me first express my deep appreciation for your government help for Syrian refugees. It is truly an honorable stand.
Being a professor that does research and teach students was always the dream of my life. In order to make this dream true, I have studied very hard and spared no efforts to achieve my goal. I graduated from public high school in Saudi Arabia with an honor grade and high GPA (98.17%) and took a full mark in math and physics. Then I moved to Syria to complete my study in Ittihad Private University. I was always one of the top three excellent students and in the first year I took the first grade and the university honored me. Finally, I graduated and received a bachelor in computer engineering with an excellent grade and high GPA (3.71 of 4.00).
My interest in embedded systems has started in the third year particularly through the digital system design course. It was the first time I felt what the term of computer engineering really means and since, embedded systems has captured all my interests and I have become an obsessed by it. Therefore, at university I focused on all subjects related to embedded systems such as Digital Electronics, Integrated Circuits, Microprocessors, Microcontrollers, Computer Architecture and Organization, digital system design, Real-time Systems, FPGA, VHDL, Assembly, DSP and Robotics. In addition, to improve my practical knowledge, I tried to choose the closest projects related to embedded systems. My semester project was Microcontroller-based Real Time Clock (Digital Clock). This project is based on programming Atmel AT89C4051 Microcontroller in C language. I had made it even before I took microcontroller course in university and received an "A". My graduation project was Microprocessors Design Methodologies and Executing and designing a Simple 32-bit RISC microprocessor on FPGA Using VHDL. This project included study the various architectures and organizations for microprocessors, several methods of designing, and various design paradigms and I also received an "A". These two projects increased my research, analytical and designing thinking and skills.
Furthermore, to enhance my knowledge, experiences, and abilities on embedded systems, I have attended free engineering courses which are provided by big universities especially those provided by the National Program on Technology Enhanced Learning (NPTEL) in India. I have finished these courses: Digital Circuits and Systems, Digital Systems Design, and Digital VLSI System Design by Prof S.Srinivasan, Digital Hardware Design with VHDL by Prof. M. Balakrishnan and Computer Organization by Prof. S. Raman and I am planning to complete these courses: Embedded System by Dr.Santanu Chaudhury, Digital System design with PLDs and FPGAs by Prof. Kuruvilla Varghese, Design Verification and Test of Digital VLSI Circuits by Prof. Jatindra Kumar Deka, Real-Time Systems by Dr. Rajib Mall, and Advanced VLSI Design.
Despite my busy schedule, I was well-known by tutoring other students and helping anyone who needs assistance in courses. This helped me to improve my tutoring skills. Besides, during the Syrian revolution I volunteered for one month to help refugees. I formed and managed a team responsible for a school that refugees live inside it and gathered food and fund from neighborhood to help them. This helped me realizing the importance of a team-work and understanding how to shoulder the responsibilities as a leader of a group.
After a careful analysis and self-introspection, I realized certainty that embedded systems is my passion and I need an in-depth knowledge of the subject and that what motivated me to apply for the master degree. And to be sure that I had chosen the right program and the right place before starting a course of study that would involve many years of my life, I spent hours doing research on DAAD and exploring universities programs and checking their curriculum until finally I found that master program in Embedded Systems offered by Albert Ludwig University of Freiburg and Kaiserslautern University of Technology suits my fields of interests and is also considered as one of the best depending on three criteria: program appropriateness, university ranking and language.
A scholarship for MS degree would provide an opportunity to extend deeply my knowledge and experience in Embedded Systems to new heights, taking a detailed and extensive idea about embedded systems industries in Germany that can be implemented in Syria, and also progress in achieving my long-term goal. Along with studying, I consider residence in Germany as a grand opportunity not only to enhance my academic but also to experience Germany culture and transfer this culture back to my country especially that Germany had a pioneering qualitative experiment in reconstruction and rebirth after World War. This will be highly indescribably important and useful for my country.
After finishing my master's studies I'm going to continue my studies towards a Ph.D. and then be a professor in university. Then I'm going to establish a voluntary higher institute for technology that professors and doctors can volunteer to introduce high quality engineering courses in order to provide Syrian engineers with all of knowledge and experiences they need to be able to play a central role in reconstructing and in the socio-economic development through high tech industrialization in my country after the civil war ends. This institute will have a very efficient and important role in contribution in renaissance especially in Aleppo, since it considered the Industrial and economic capital of Syria.
I honestly admire the motto of the DAAD "Change by Exchange" and I quoted from your mission "Exchange leads to understanding between peoples and individuals and helps secure the peace. New scientific findings help to tackle global challenges. Cooperation contributes to political and social progress". These are precisely what my country need to reconstruction and rebirth efficiently: Exchange, Education, and Cooperation. I look forward enthusiastically to be an efficient leader and qualified professor that assumes responsibility and plays a crucial role and contributes beneficially in these three aspects particularly in education. By being a leader and a professor I will seek seriously and honestly to build a powerful system of higher education through strengthening the quality and competitiveness of our universities and creating better study and research opportunities. I believe that sound education will give our people future perspectives and prepares them for the task of helping to shape the Syria of tomorrow and Thus support social, economic, Industrial, and political development.
In case you wonder why I spent 10 year at university although I was an excellent student, the truth is that Al-Assad's regime arrested and jailed me for four years (2007-2010) before revolution because I was a member and activist of an opposite political group that tried in 2007 to convince people to refuse electing Al-Assad by Remaining them of their right in freedom, justice and equality and the importance of political pluralism. I hopefully you won't consider my political activities as a criminal record as they did. After graduation I had to escape from Aleppo because I refuse participating in the regime military operation against my people.
I am now preparing for IELTS and I am going to take the test in the middle of December. And I am planning to attend an online Germany language course to be familiar with the basics.
Your scholarship provides a chance for people who want to make a positive change in the life. I am aware of the kind of dedication, perseverance and resolve I need to have for undertaking my graduate studies. I feel I'm well prepared and my strong motivation and noble goals is a good match for what your organization has to offer. I promise you I will be an outstanding asset.
A scholarship to study in your country will be a great assistance in supporting my goal to be an efficient leader and qualified professor who contributes beneficially in reconstruction and rebirth.
It is with great honor and appreciation that submit this letter for your consideration.
Sincerely yours,