MA Future Plan: Lack of wider study in Afghanistan security scope

Please help me to rectify any errors and enhance this.
Can it be a good essay for a future plan essay?

conflicts in Afghanistan

Sustainable development and security in Afghanistan are two different side of a same coin. That is, both are relatively threatened by the same challenges. Afghanistan has been involved in domestic conflicts more than three decades. Even after the fall of the Taliban in late 2001, the security situation sharply deteriorated and violence is now at its highest levels since 2001. Reappearance of the Taliban, emergence of ISIS and increasing violence in the country have deep roots to be studied. Conflicts are seemingly military challenges arising out of political matters between Afghan government and insurgent groups. But they may cover broader range of challenges that still need to be studied and discovered.

Studying chronological conflicts in Afghanistan during the decades generally shows how this course of events shares in some reasons apart from to political or military ones. Social, economic and even environmental factors in a regional perspective interwoven with political and military ones may help to define the origins of insecurity and violence other than political and military factors. These factors are very effective so that they have been created security challenges in Afghanistan during last decades.

According to the report published by the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR), 36 percent Afghan population live in absolute poverty and a further 37 percent live only slightly above the poverty line.

In addition, Climate changes such as rising temperature might lead to more frequent and intense flooding, landslides and other related hazards. It may lead to serious consequences such as abandoning the villages and displacement of thousands of people.

The socio-cultural structure of the region, on the other side, can entangle the country in lasting regional tensions and result in disintegration. Afghan society is made up of various qawm (ethnic groups) and ethnic relation among their members is very important. Incompatibility of social and political borders in the region has caused the rise of conflict and long-term insecurity in the related countries. Afghanistan has shared ethnic groups which are divided in the regional countries. Uzbeks, Pashtuns, Hazaras and Tajiks, main Afghanistan qawms distributed across the borders make multicultural and multiethnic society problems more complicated.

All non-political and non-military challenges in front of security and sustainable development are important as well as political and military challenges. Therefore they should be studied on a large scale. Unfortunately, these resources of study are approximately untapped and I planned to make change through completion master study in this field.

I decided to define a new framework for Afghanistan security study, applying wide and deep approach containing various dimensions of security challenges in Afghanistan. Thus my goal, I believe, can be achieved through studying master in fields relevant to international relations and security studies, whereby I will firstly identify unknown factors of security and threats in Afghanistan and the surrounding region. In addition, I try to describe the relationships between those factors and current security state at a national and regional levels. Eventually, the study may provide any possible security solutions as a guideline for future security strategies in Afghanistan and its neighbors to have a general understanding about the region security system. I think it might be an ideal point for tomorrow's security cooperation and collective actions among regional states to settle security challenges within the region.

Ruhullah the current format of your presentation is confusing. It is giving me all of these information that I have no idea what to do with. You just keep on talking and talking, giving a background without actually informing me as to why I should care about this. This uninteresting presentation is caused by the fact that you are not selling me on your mission, your objective, and your goal before feeding me all of this intricate information. Create the foundation of the future plan first, then explain the basis for the plan. That way, the reader knows the 5 W's (who, what, where, when, why) before the reader is hit with all this information. Reverse your presentation by bringing up an improved version of your last paragraph. That is where the basis of your research lies so that should be at the top, not at the bottom. You need to rearrange the essay in order to allow it to make more sense to the reader.

Ruhallah,I had to recheck the presentation's topic to keep reading as i got lost..i missed the point with those flowing information and didn't get your plan,how do you intend to initiate,etc. I think you need to be more specific and to focus on the last paragraph,give it more space and try to explain it with more details.Hope that would help.

@Holt
Thank you for your opinion. This writing was initially an essay I wrote to answer the following question in an application process:
Please describe which specific problem in your home country or region you want to address and how a master's degree in your chosen field will help you address it.

I want to use the same for my future plan in another application.
But thank you for your helpful ideas.