great turning point in my career
I hold a degree in Computer Networks and Telecommunications. To obtain this diploma, I underwent a three (3) year training in a university of my country (HETEC) and I had realized a project of end cycle entitled << STUDY OF THE NTERCONNECTION OF THE FUTURE SITES D 'IV IVORY TECHNOLOGY'. OC IVOIRE TECHNOLOGY is a service integration company in my country. In this project it was to reorganize the local network and to propose an interconnection of the headquarters to the subsidiaries of the company. In this project I learned how to configure equipment that was seen in the school image, mount a secure network architecture and make fiber optic connections. While working on the project I found a strong motivation towards higher education and research in the field of computer science. Currently I am in training course for 3 months. In this internship I have for mission of the maintenance and the good functioning of the equipments, the configuration of the equipments of security for partners, connection of the partners by optical fiber. However, I want to apply for the Master in Computer Networks to acquire new knowledge in my field which will allow me to be competitive in the job market and also have the necessary tools for the creation of a company. At the end of this training I want to gain enough experience working in specialized companies and then I will start research for three (3) years to deepen my knowledge. During these 3 years of master's degree, the first year I will devote myself to the learning of the language and the Korean culture then the second and the third year I will organize according to my schedule to work in order to validate the year among the best in my department and participate in development projects.
Upon graduating I want to gain enough experience by working in specialized companies based in Korea for at least 5 years to apply the knowledge I have gained from this program and to be grateful to the Korean government. I also think that getting a work experience in Korea will be a good turning point in my career path as a computer science graduate. I intend to work for SAMSUNG, LG OR SK TELECOM ... and then I will go into research for three (3) years to deepen my knowledge. When I return to my country, I hope to start my own business. Training and experience in Korea will help me to achieve it.
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KONE, I am not sure what it is that you wrote here but it is definitely not a goal of study and study plan with an appropriate future plan for after your graduate. You are referencing a previous college thesis that you completed in this essay. That would have been good if you had somehow connected that project with your future master thesis. The problem, is that I do not see any masters thesis proposal in relation to your college thesis. That is the whole point of this essay statement. Explain how you plan to use your research opportunity as a masters student in Korea. What would you research? Why did you choose that topic? How do you plan to accomplish this out of the classroom learning time? I expected to at least read an abstract presentation of your potential thesis statement, along with a methodology for the research and a presumed result.
Your plans to work in Korea only mention companies that you hope to work for, but you don't really have a vision for indirectly paying back the country that sponsored your studies. How would Korea or this field of technology in particular, benefit from your extended stay after graduation? What impressive contribution do you plan to make to the industry and to the country itself? Your future plan is bleak because it is not well thought out.
It would be better for your response if you opt to write new essays instead. Read the other samples available here so that you will get a better idea of how to approach and present the information to the reviewer. Right now, this is not acceptable as a Goal of Study and Future Plan essay because it does not present such ideas in its discussion.
Your first paragraph is too long, it would be better if you separate it into some paragraphs based on your main points.
You do not explain enough about your reason to choose Korea.