Need help improvising and editing! Why would you like to join one of our Management Schools? *

Hello!
I am applying to a set of colleges through 1 common app portal. This is a rough draft. Would really appreciate your honest feedback and suggestions.

Thank you so much!

Just on the verge of completing my undergraduate degree I believe that now is the perfect time for me to start focusing on the larger picture, understand how the business world works end to end and how the smaller pieces critically fit to meet the organization's vision. The opportunities provided at these business schools paired with my drive makes me convinced that a master's degree from one of these business schools represents the next progression towards all of my aspirations. I am impressed with the school's commitment to providing broad-based business education, integrative business exercises and their particular focus on personal development highly intrigues me. The open curriculum will allow me to take advantage of abundant academic resources and the schools' strong links with the business world coupled with the unique compulsory periods of professional internship will help me build a network of the best brains; learning from their rich experiences will also help me acquire the latest industry insights. Having read student reviews, I found that prospective global managers are led by world-class faculty members and supported by rich diversity of alumni. By immersing myself in student clubs, exchange programs and internships within France and beyond, I will also benefit from these school's invaluable assets.

This exposure to the high quality of education and the confluence of people from varied cultures and nationalities will aid in the overall development of my personality and help me broaden my perspective which will allow me to communicate more effectively, understand global business, and make myself a dynamic leader.

Shri, what is the word limitation on this essay? You seem to have written a very short and less than developed response to the prompt. The reasons for your interest in the universities border on the generic and do not really offer any impression of you having actually done the research involved in answering this prompt. You are trying to convince the reviewer that you are a good candidate for these universities even though you have absolutely no concrete idea as to what classes you will be taking, what your plans are for your inclusive development (academically and intellectually).

Be more specific. Opt for a university and use that university name in the application. After all, the prompt is asking you why you would like to join one, not all, of their management schools. Therefore, you need to look into the various offerings that accompany the course curriculum at the school. So do some digging, look into the background of the school and find your commonalities. Discuss how you feel these similarities can help you become a better student and why you would be a good addition to their roster of students. Mention how you see the university programs helping you to become a unique graduate if possible. Don't just rattle off pointless information. Have a purpose for discussion in this essay. That is the only way to make it stronger and better than it is at the moment.

Thank you so much @dynaranjani and @vangiespen.
@vangiespen i'll try to work on your guidelines. Thanks again:)