Hello guys this is my passage. it will be my honor if i can have your review and errors recognition. I am trying to improve my English and all of your reviews will be helpful to me. Thanks a lot.
poor coverage of financial management at schools
In the modern age, financial management is one of essential skills to be learned. But not many schools educate their students how to address the problem about spending money in this day and age. Because of that reason, many people out there with the certificate on their hand but still dont know how to use money correctly with your circumstance and in certain situations. I am definitely agree with this judgement.
First, financial management is the skill which help people control their money flows, how they use their money and what they invest money in. In the manage process, we will have to make plans, direct and control some activities such as shopping or learning how to be suitable for our own economy condition. There are alot of reasons why after graduate students dont usually be prepared the money-using skill. In my point of view, there are two main reasons take responsible for this phenominon. The first obvious reason is their school didnt teach them in the leaning course. We are living in a century that schools only teach the pupils theories of science, humanities and society with out provide us vital reality skill to apply in practical daily life. What people dont learn about of course people dont know about. The second reason is the laziness in collect information which helpful for their life. Today, many economic professional experts started youtube channels to share about how they create, accumulate and invest their money to achieve financial indipendent. That is very easy for young people like students to approach and consume the lesson for themself. But because of the laziness with too many distraction and more entertain program on the Internet, young people prefer to be relax and watch comedy more than educating program like i had mentioned before.
In order to solve this problem, according to my opinion, students have to be responsible for there own first, and then is the educate institutions. For their own future, students have to prepare for them self financial management skill because if people make money like the flows of a fountain and spending it like a waterfall, the poverty will come to them soon. Especially in the marriage life, financial balance is very important to maintain the happiness between wife and husband. After the knowledge has been accquired, schools must create conditions for students to spread the message about what they consumed widely, organize activities relate to financial like investing contest, or the most basic and easy game is Monopoly, students will learn, practise and have fun at the same time. Beside that, parents should participate in the educating process, give children advices and teach them how to use the money wisely because parents are the nearest tutors with them. At the same time, parents will increase bonding with their children.
Taking everything into consideration, financial management is the skill which have to be learn by everyone in the world included student. Humanities will be chaos. Because of that, students have to prepare knowledge about personal money management by themself, shools and their parents.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4785 This essay is too long for a task 2 presentation. You have 40 minutes to complete the task inclusive of editing, revision, proofreading, and final writing. These tasks, which will ensure a high score cannot be completed if you try to write over 500 words. When writing for this task, it is always better to write within a word bracket, since every paragraph should nothave more than 5 sentences in it anyway. The minimum word count is 250 words. Writing up to 300 words will bethe most ideal presentation for any task 2 topic.
An extra long essay such as this always results in forced errors that lead to a failing score. In this case, you did not write a response based on the required discussion. You are discussing this based on an agree or disagree presentation when the instruction is different. You were supposed to respond and discuss 2 topics individually in relation to the question, "What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?"
First, financial management ... for this phenominon.
This definition is not needed in the essay. You just lengthened the presentation without reason. The examiner will not score this as a part of the valid presentation. Rather, it will be deducted from the word count and affect your score as an irrelevant discussion. In the end, there will be 2 major reasons why this essay will not recieve a passing score. There are also several other errors in relation to scoring sections that will further reduce the final score.
I can sense that you are trying your best so I hope to see improvements with your next presentation.
