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Honor, courage, and commitment, those are the Navy Core Values. Navy Motivational Statement

tacojak 1 / 1 1  
Oct 13, 2014   #1
Hello all,

I am trying to write a motivational statement for why I want to join the Navy as an Officer. I saw some people were given help on here for theirs. I was hoping you all could give me some help on mine?

Thanks in advance,

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To the Navy Officer Selection Panel,
Honor, courage, and commitment, those are the Navy Core Values. Those are the values I try and live by every day. Those are the values of a good sailor, and a good role model. My role models were my grandfather and my uncle. Both were Navy men. My grandfather served in World War II and my uncle in Vietnam. In those times war was very different. Service members had to deal with stresses much differently than those today. It took great courage and commitment to fight in those battles. Staying true to yourself and your unit, while also staying on mission gave those men great honor. My grandfather earned a Purple Heart during the war for sustaining an injury on an anti-aircraft gun. Hearing about the great sacrifices my family and many others had to make in the past to defend our freedom today makes me want to serve as an Officer of the Navy.

I have earned an Associate's Degree in Information Technology from University of Phoenix online, and an Associate's Degree in Electrical Engineering Technology from Northeastern University (College of Professional Studies) simultaneously. Now this is a unique story right here. When I decided I wanted to go to college after the Navy I knew I wanted to go into engineering as an Electrical Engineer, since I loved working with electronics in the Navy. I also knew I needed to work full time to pay bills, I did not feel the GI Bill would cover it since I only received 80% due to my enlistment in the National Call to Service Program. So trying to find a night school for electrical engineering is tough.

I decided to enroll at University of Phoenix online to get some general education classes out of the way while I was deciding on an engineering school. They had me pick a major before they would let me enroll in classes, so I choose Information Technology, thinking that would be a nice compliment to electrical engineering. By the time I decided I wanted to enroll at Northeastern for Electrical Engineering Technology (since no one offers traditional Electrical Engineering degrees at night) I was halfway through my Associates at University of Phoenix. I decided two degrees at once while working full time was too much to handle so I finished my classes at Phoenix and enrolled in my first classes at NEU shortly after.

A while later I was told I had orders to be deployed to Afghanistan for the Navy Reserves. I was panicking since I would not be able to finish my degree while overseas since engineering does not have many online courses. I decided to work on my IT degree while overseas to keep me motivated and in the scholastic mindset so I would be motivated to finish my engineering degree when I went back home from deployment. I reenrolled in courses at Phoenix to finish my Associates degree then if time permitted I would work on my bachelor's degree. I was a few weeks into my first two classes back at Phoenix and a few weeks from finishing my current classes at NEU when my orders were canceled to Afghanistan, I was set to go with two other people from my unit and we were all canceled. I believe this was around the time when we were set to pull all troops out of there. I then decided since I was about six months from finishing both degrees I would just continue on with both, while working full time to finish them off. I realize my grades suffered a little from being a full time student in two schools and working full time, but I felt I could manage. Now I am about to finish my bachelor's degree in electrical engineering technology at NEU and I could not be prouder. Not too many people can say they managed decent grades in two schools simultaneously while also working full time, and then on top of that NEU is a very hard school in itself. I am very proud of my accomplishments and I feel my time served in the Navy is how I managed that so well. I feel qualities like that will make me a great leader in the Navy. I feel there will be many times as an Officer that I will have to handle multiple situations at once, I believe I have shown I have the skills to be able to handle situations like that.

My time as a Product Development Engineer at Foxboro Company (Owned by Schneider-Electric) has taught me many things. I have learned a great many troubleshooting and time management skills. My focus in research and development testing has given me a wide variety of disciplines to work in. I have had to teach myself Visual Basic and a special custom programming language created to our product. I learned C++ in college so the leap from one to the other was not too great. I have also had to do a little electrical testing for a communication protocol called HART. It was a great learning experience. I have also designed a few custom testing systems for my job. This tests our pressure product for its step response. This follows a traditional RC (Resistor-Capacitor) curve. We measure the time it takes our pressure transmitter to register a pressure change compared to the actual pressure change. This is critical in safety systems for power plants and oil refineries. If our product does not see a change fast enough bad things could happen. This took into effect flow rates of gases in enclosed spaces, pressure drops, electrical power considerations, and my main accomplishment was getting the electrical noise down to 3 mV. On an electrical measurement system noise is a big deal. Noise can come from many different sources (cell phones, radios, the earth's magnetic field, EMF (electrical magnetic flux), and many other things). I was able to reduce the noise from 600 milli-Volts down to 3 milli-Volts. I believe my technical expertise and adaptability will be valuable skills as an Officer of the Navy.

Also I am in a kind of management position at my work, as many people from managers to design engineers to fellow tester come to me for advice on how to set up new tests, or new ways to improve our product. I am the Test Lead for our new pressure product, which means I help plan all testing requirements for this project and I help arrange anything others may need to accomplish testing for either development or quality assurance of this product. I believe this is a valuable skill as an office as many people will rely on me for my knowledge and time management to get any job done that it required of me or people I am in charge of.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 13, 2014   #2
Joshua, your essay is currently suffering from too much information. Let me try to help you whittle this down to only the important part of a motivational letter and suggest ways that you can build upon it.

I have earned an Associate's Degree in Information Technology from [...] I feel that would make me a good Officer of the Navy.

- This is the portion o the essay that should be the concentration of your motivational statement. More importantly, you should tell the admissions officer more about your participation in the Navy and on the battlefront if possible. Develop the idea that you come from a line of naval officers and you will be falling into the legacy that your father and grandfather started. From that point on, we can look into adding or removing information as it applies to your motivation.

Your academic information does not have any place in a motivational statement. This should be all about the inspirations and ideals that exist in your life and within you that have led you to the port of the Navy.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 13, 2014   #3
Joshua, this is certainly shorter than the first one, which is good. There are some errors I need to point out though.

My great-grandfather was a Japanese gardener and my great-grandmother was a German house maid for an affluent family in New York. That is how my family came to this country, for work .

- This particular part of your story just does not fit into the motivation of your becoming a sailor. It would be best to avoid any mention of people or life events that do not show how you developed a motivation for a naval career.

,as well as immigrating to this country in the first place .

an injuryon an anti-aircraft gun

- ... injury while manning an anti...

As a prior enlisted man in the Navy I feel I have had a somewhat unique perspective on what makes a good leader, when compared to prospective officer candidates straight out of college. I have seen leadership strategies that seem to work well, and those who do not. I feel a good leader should know what it takes to get the job done when they give an order to a subordinate. No leader should ask someone to do something they would not do themselves. As an Electronics Technician in the Navy I have worked my way up the ranks. I feel that before giving any order a good leader should have an idea of just what it takes to get that job done. I feel I have that quality. I feel that would make me a good Officer of the Navy.

- As a previously enlisted Navy man ...

My life experiences make me a great candidate for the NUPOC, SWO, or IP programs. As a "go-to" type of person I feel I am a natural leader. I am in my element under pressure. Be it in my job, in the classroom, or at home, those who know me tend to be drawn to looking to me for guidance. I feel a Naval officer should be that type of person. As a Nuclear Propulsion Systems Officer I feel it is critical to make snap second decisions to help save the ship during critical points in the evolution . Every second counts and I feel I am up to the task. As a Surface Warfare Officer I will need to keep the ship running smoothly no matter what platform I am stationed on, or division I am in. I will need to be able to adapt and learn quickly. As an Intelligence Professional I will need to be able to intake information and process it quickly and efficiently. I feel that my background and personality makes me a good candidate for these positions.

- ... critical points in the battle ...

I am the kind of person who will put mission first above all else.I feel as a leader I will have to make tough decisions at times, and someone who is too emotional might have clouded judgment. As a person in a long line of servicemen I feel it would be a great honor to my family if I were to become an Officer in the United States Navy. I know I will not let them down.

- ... who will put the mission... As a man coming from a long line...

This is a more Navy-centric motivational statement that shows how familiar you are with the navy and the career plan you have ahead of you. It just might draw the kind of attention you need in order to get into the Navy. I am not saying it will work, but with more polishing, it might be in a good position for consideration :-)
OP tacojak 1 / 1 1  
Oct 13, 2014   #4
Thank you very much. I appreciate the feedback.

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