Hi, everyone, Hello Holt! I am back again, this time with a Personal Statement for University Admission in Korea. I am quite thankful for all your efforts last time-you are a life savior, and I hope you could help me this time as well to make this statement perfect. I would be highly grateful. Thank you :)
Describe why you are applying for [University].
What is your plan after you graduate [University]?
----
P.S. When writing this essay, is it better to write it in continuum or should I write it the way I have written it above, i.e. in a question answer format. I am a bit confused with that. Thanks a lot in advance.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15464 Ashhar, do not present your response in an outline form. That is not the expected response for this essay. Instead, write it in a continued form, using transition sentences or paragraphs whenever necessary. The reason that you should write it in continuous form is because the narrative requires you to connect all of the prompt discussions in the narrative. By using the interconnected form, you allow yourself more freedom to discuss and interconnect the prompt discussions for the benefit of the reader. You can better build up your character, abilities, mindset, traits, and other related information in a manner that creates a coherent and cohesive discussion. The essay that you have written comes across as well thought out and is effective in discussing the prompt requirements. However, the reader gets cut-off while reading your work because they have to suddenly read a new prompt and adjust to a new response. Instead of just fluidly reading an essay that transitions from one discussion to another. My advice is this, lose the prompt questions and just make sure that the paragraphs move fluidly towards the next discussions. That way the reader is acclimatized to reading a continuing narrative instead of split up topic discussions that they will not be able to seamlessly integrate in their thoughts because of topic dividers.
@Holt
OK, I have done the edits, you should check them. I would be really glad if you could tell me if there are ways to make the transitions better. Since I have to stay within the word limit (800) I couldn't be much creative, but I know you could. Thanks a lot for all your help. Here it is,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I followed up on my innate enthusiasm for science and mathematics by attending NED University of Engineering and Technology for my undergraduate education. Overall, my life at NED University was a fulfilling journey. I was an active member of my university's Society of Polymer and Petrochemical Engineers (SPPE), a departmental society dedicated to maintain university-industry relationship. However, there was a time when balancing my studies, social life and extracurricular activities became a tough challenge for me. It also affected my grades. Although many people advised me to quit working for the society, which at that time did seem as the best possible solution, I didn't do so as I didn't want to give up. Rather, I centered my efforts to organize and prioritize my studies and extracurriculars in a way to make the most of both. With hard work and determination, I learnt to manage not only my studies and activities, but also achieved 1st position in my batch in my junior and senior year. After years of dedication and hard work, I graduated from my university standing at rank 6th in a batch of 54 students. Currently, I am expecting my B.E. degree in Polymer and Petrochemical Engineering.
As a result of multidisciplinary training, my diverse skills and perspectives have shaped my academic and career goals in unique ways. I had done internships in General Tyres Pakistan, the leading tire manufacturers in Pakistan, and in Tri-Pack Films Limited, a Pakistani affiliate of Mitsubishi Corporation. While my internship at General Tyres provided me with real-time experience of working in an industry, my experience at Tri-Pack Films taught me how greatly I can take part in solving the issues faced during production and in making the processing more efficient. At Tri-Pack, I was assigned with three projects associated with the issues they were facing at BOPP film line, namely, Fish Eye problem, MD Corrugation issue and Inadequate Cooling at Winder zone. With hard work, and with the help of my coworkers, I not only managed to provided solutions for the assigned projects successfully but also managed to accomplish two more projects within the designated tenure, which includes prolongation of corona treatment's effect and optimizing the production speed of shrink films from 250m/min to the maximum capacity of 300m/min. My efforts earned me the praises of all the executive officers along with an offer for job position at the firm once I would graduate. My internships provided me with great working experience but also left me with an unanswered question, how to deal with the tons of waste that would be generated once these materials meet their end usage? This has given me the insight to conduct research to deal with this issue in the past and is also the center of my future research goals.
At [University], innovation and future-oriented practical research is always appreciated. Furthermore, the Department of Chemical Engineering offers a radical curriculum with courses centering on organic chemistry, polymer engineering, electrochemistry, and catalysis that can provide me with knowledge necessary to carry research to promote a sustainable environment. There are also the labs dedicated to Polymer and Electrochemistry and Process Engineering that I am very interested to join. Since, my research interest is much similar to the projects at these labs, I believe they will provide me with the perfect ground to materialize my ideas. If given the chance, I would also like to assist with the existing projects in these laboratories. This will provide me with more opportunities to learn new things in the field. [University] is undoubtedly an ideal place for me to learn and make the most of my abilities. The globalized multicultural setting of [University] will provide me with many opportunities that can help to make me a better person. I have proved myself a good leader time after time until now. Emerging as a global leader in a multicultural and competitive environment as South Korea is a challenge I am really looking forward to.
After graduation, I would like to practice my profession in Korea as a researcher in an automotive industry. With Korea being a pioneer in the automotive sector, I believe working in Korea will provide me the chance to pursue my career and professional goals effectively. Primarily, I want to dedicate my time and efforts on research focused to make automobiles more durable, safe, efficient and environmental friendly. This will provide me with the opportunity to make the most of my knowledge to learn and understand the real-time practices and considerations in the industry.
Once I return to Pakistan, I would like to acquire a position as R&D manager in an automotive industry such as Indus Motors. As the current state of Pakistan's automotive industry needs much development, while the automotive market has a lot to offer, acquiring this role will provide me with the chance to introduce state-of-the-art technologies and novel techniques for the development of the country's automotive sector. I believe the training and experiences I would have in in Korea will assist me immensely in reaching this goal. Furthermore, I would also join my alma mater in Pakistan to establish bilateral relations between it and [University] as an alumnus, to bring both institutions closer while strengthening the bond between both countries for mutual growth for a prosperous future.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just worked on making the essay continuous, so the content is almost the same. If there are things that needs edits other than the transitions, do tell me too. I will be really grateful. Thank you once again!
@Holt
Hi Holt, I know you are busy but I hope when you return, you can guide me with this. I have been provided with a new guideline for this essay from the university (attaching the images of email), according to which I only have to write on any
one of the four topics in 100-200 words, which means now I only have to pick a single one among the four. To be honest, I am confused which of the four parts of my essay should I pick in order to deliver the best impression. Since, you are too much experienced in this regard, I would be really glad if you could guide me. Thanks a lot for all your help :)
Query
Response from university
