Law School PS -Not Sure This Sums It Up...

The PS should include comments about: The reason(s) you want to go to law school;
The reason(s) you are interested in NCCU and What you want to do with a law degree...

Here is what I have so far.. Thank you for any feedback!

For the past eleven years I have known clearly what I was meant to do, but the time was never right. While I was growing up, my family ran a homeless and battered women's shelter. Everyday brought someone new with some issue, usually legal, that kept them in a stagnant and unproductive lifestyle. I marveled over their situations, and spent hours listening to counselors explain the legal ins and outs of each predicament. I was sure then that I was meant to one day help people fix their lives and get back on track; to help them unravel their legal entanglements and begin working toward a positive existence. I knew this is what I wanted to do from a very young age.

Becoming a mother at a very early age was unexpected, and being the mother of multiples was even more unexpected. I continued to enjoy the law, debate, and politics, but for a time the job of caretaker, supporter and comfort-giver took precedence over any other goal in my life. My grandfather, being a college professor at Brown University, was highly disappointed in my break from education and encouraged me to never let my dream of being an attorney just die. I promised my grandfather that I was going to obtain my law degree someday, once the children had grown up; I just had to wait for the right time.

At 22 years old I juggled three part time jobs, finishing my college degree, and still keeping my family emotionally afloat. I was still drawn to law and dreamed of the day when I would cross the stage at my law school graduation. I wanted more, but I hardly had time to sleep, running from one job to the next. My grandfather often sent me news articles of people we knew who had graduated law school and would jot simple notes on them asking if I was moving toward my goal aggressively enough. I responded to each note, telling him my desire was still strong, but it was not the right time.

In 2002 I began working part-time as a paralegal in a general practice law firm. It was there that I gained hands-on experience with the law. I loved every aspect of it. The atmosphere in the courtroom, the buzz of the clerks and defendants in the court, everything convinced me I had finally found my place in the world. I worked with clients who had issues just like the ones I had witnessed in the shelter growing up. I loved the appreciation and excitement in their faces when they discovered that something could be done to help them, and that there was hope. After a few months, I stopped working my other part-time jobs to take the full-time job the law firm had offered. The reduction in pay from multiple jobs to just one was difficult, but I knew that I wanted to be immersed in law for the rest of my life, and this was a step toward a more positive future for my family. I continued my undergraduate degree in the evenings and tried to set an example of hard work and dedication for my children. It heartened me to know my grandfather was proud that I had regained focus and was once again on track for further education. He asked me frequently when I was going to take the next step and finally go to law school.

After six years of working with the law firm, I had soaked up every bit of information I could find. I knew many criminal statutes by heart and could explain the reasoning behind a lawyer's action to almost anyone, but I wanted more. I wanted to learn how each facet of the law worked, so I began taking on contract work as a paralegal. It started with simple real estate and contract review and quickly moved into corporate work. I took a new job at a corporate law office and then moved on to federal prosecutorial work.

In 2008 I began working at the United States Attorney's office and I enjoyed it. I became the Adam Walsh Act paralegal and was responsible for researching each case to be sure that the case matched the legal requirements for being heard under the Act. Legal research and analysis filled my days. I enjoyed my job immensely and assisted in prosecuting the country's most egregious sex offenders. I enjoy new challenges every day. Nevertheless, I desired the accomplishment of holding my own Jurist Doctorate degree. I loved it all, I learned every day, but I still wanted more.

In 2009 I completed my undergraduate degree, took the LSAT and planned for the future. I could not wait to begin the application process. Many of my friends and associates are North Carolina Central University School of Law Alumni and for many years I was advised by them that my future was in Central Law School's halls. I heard countless stories of the positive educational benefits I would glean from attending Central's law school, and the education I would be provided by the amazing legal minds who taught as professors. Because of the character and knowledge of those I knew who had graduated from Central University's Law School, I decided early on that my desire was to be part of this legacy. I dreamed of the day when I would cross the stage at NCCU, accepting my diploma and facing the future with, what was called by friends, the best education imaginable in the field of law.

Last year my grandfather's mind started to slowly be stolen by Alzheimer's disease. His memories of my aspirations are fading, and I yearn to make him proud of me. I intend for him to watch me when I walk across Central University's Law School stage and accept my Jurist Doctorate degree. While he may not remember the significance or the hard work it will take to get to the point of completion, I will remember, and I will be proud to have kept my promise to him and realized my dream. It is clear for me that NOW is the right time.

These two sentences do not go together. The thing to do is write a good intro sentence and then follow it up with something that builds on it. I like your opening sentence, but please elaborate on it in the second sentence.

Oh, ha ha, okay, now that I actually read the 3rd sentence, I see that the only thing necessary to fix it is to put it all together as one long sentence:

While I was growing up, my family ran a homeless and battered women's shelter, and every day brought someone new with some issue -- usually legal -- that kept them in a stagnant and unproductive lifestyle.

By doing this, you make it sound like it makes sense. But without putting those 2 sentences together it creates a moment of confusion for the reader at the end of that second sentence, and it is no good to confuse the reader right at the start of the thing...

Every day must be 2 words here in the first para. As one word, it is an adjective.

I knew this is what I wanted to do from a very young age. Now, this sentence ends the first para, and I think it is not good enough. You already said you knew this from a young age. Use the last sentence to help the reader prepare for what is coming, as a way of giving the reader a sense of what is going on so she does not have to follow you from one idea to the next. You can write a sentence that says, "This essay is intended to explain... and also to give some of my ideas for wanting to ...

And that way, the thesis sentence will "support" all these ideas, including the one about your grandfather, which is a perfectly valid and very nice reason for wanting to succeed in law school.

:-)

thanks!!