The topic:
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you and why?
My essay:
Growing up, I'd always be the kid passed out on my desk. In elementary school, you'd catch me drawing instead of paying attention. My mother always pushed me to do well in school, to care about my education. At the time, however, it had little to no importance to me, other than the reward that I would receive for getting those A's streaked across my report card. As I grew emotionally and mentally, I realized that my education was everything. It isn't money, material items, or even love that makes the world go round, but learning, having an education, is. This is for the simple fact that knowledge is necessary in order to grow, in order to build financially, have material things, to love and be loved. Thus, learning is what makes the world spin.
Learning appeals to me the most, for the fact that I thrive off of it. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but this specific trait is what keeps me going. Curiosity is what allows me to push boundaries and create what I want out of life, through exploring. When I was a child, I was quiet, because I observed everything. I acquired knowledge through observation, experience. Life is what has helped me to learn how to let go and move on. Life teaches lessons that no book could possibly cover. For instance, life has taught me to be strong. It has showed me through tough times, such as my mother walking out on me for portions of my life, to aim high and guard myself.
"Be as smart as you can, but remember, it's always better to be wise than smart," said Alan Alda. In other words, attempt to have a high IQ, but gaining knowledge from the world is more important. Someone you know could be the most intelligent person, with an extremely high IQ, but lack a position in society, because they lack the ability to learn. To learn isn't only to sit in a class room and memorize new subject matter. Though, that's qualified as learning too, the way I see it is as to gain wisdom, to learn from experience and mistakes, to change the path you're in for a better one. One can't go through life creating the same mistakes as yesterday, as if it's Ground Hog day. At one point, you have to pick yourself up and change the way you do things for a more efficient result.
Learning is to recreate yourself every single time a mistake is made. To change the pattern and hope for a better result. My father once told me as I was growing up that insanity is doing the same thing over and over, each time expecting different results. Learning is a way to backtrack in life, fix mistakes. In life, learning is crucial to get by. One has to be the fittest to survive, and to be well learned is to be fit in this day and age.
If this isn't right, or good enough, will someone please direct me on how to do it correctly? Please & thanks! :)
Hello,
This essay is a decent start. However, I feel it is not strong at all. Remember, in every essay you write, you should try to convey to the reader your burning desire or passion for the subject area. You selected to write about "learning." I did not get that you had a burning desire for learning from your essay. You basically say "learning makes the World go round," and gave a few examples to support this. What FSU is asking you for in this essay, is to tell them "WHY FSU?" What would you do here at this WORLD CLASS UNIVERSITY and how can we help take your passion for learning to the NEXT level? A great response for this would be, for example, someone who has a desire for research - lets say for cancer research. This person should write their essay about how they would take advantage of all the research opportunities at FSU to learn more about cancer and how it represents itself in the human body. This would show how someone has a true passion learning and how FSU can help them. admissions essay advice
Also, the following sentence needs revision.
It isn't money, material items, or even love that makes the world go round, but learning, having an education, is.
Hope this helps
