Hi Again, The other requirement for the MSC program of Coastal Science and Policy is a Personal Statement. Where they are asking for
The Coastal Science and Policy (CS&P) Master of Science Personal History Statement is limited to two pages and should summarize your academic and non-academic experience as it pertains to sustainability science and policy. Indicate how this background has inspired you to become a leader in coastal sustainability science and policy and prepared you to become that leader.
I have two versions of the personal Statement I need advice on which is stronger, also please review grammar and any comment on the flow. 1 at a time please.
Version 1:- It took me 32 years to realise what I was passionate about in life. Prior to that, in my childhood and through my 20s, I followed the herd. I come from a conservative Gujarati family from India. As soon as I completed my undergraduate studies at the age of 21, my parents wanted me to get married. To buy time and with the support of a progressive grandmother, I convinced my parents to let me pursue a postgraduate degree. I knew what I had in store for me once I completed my course. As time passed, however, my thoughts changed and my parents too seemed to become more supportive; they let me pursue a career, with the proviso that I would eventually join the family business.
Working with the family business gave me the opportunity to take on a leadership role, to act with responsibility and make decisions that would benefit the business. It also allowed me to witness first-hand the uncaring attitudes within the business community with regards to the environment. I took it upon myself to start making small changes within the company, whether by reducing the unnecessary printing of documents or the recycling of water from the waste produced by the manufacturing unit. I went on to establish my own jewellery retail business, the core idea being to collaborate with NGOs that worked on women's empowerment to source handmade jewellery from rural and tribal areas within India.
During this time I had the privilege of meeting some amazingly strong women that had fought through illiteracy and gender inequality and stood strong in their conviction to pursue their desired paths. I remember a young girl named Kirti, all of 20 years old, working part-time making ethnic jewellery so she could fund her education. Her indomitable spirit rubbed off on me and a disconcerting realisation began gnawing at me: while I was comfortable doing what I was, it wasn't enough. It wasn't what I really wanted to do.
At the age of 32 I experienced the world beneath the sea, and my life changed forever. There is a back-story to this too: three years earlier I had attempted to scuba dive on a trip to Bali, but as soon as I wore the eye mask I began hyperventilating - I never even left the boat! A year later, on my 30th birthday, going through my mini-existential crisis, I created a bucket list. The first item: Master Scuba Diver. Today, I hold a PADI Master Scuba Diver certification with 70-odd dives. I have enjoyed my dives immensely, but living in the coastal city of Mumbai and visiting islands around India and abroad I have seen a blatant lack of interest from stakeholders in protecting the oceans and endangered marine life on which their own livelihoods depend.
A few years ago I began visiting the fish markets and landing centres in Mumbai to see the catch the fishermen were bringing in. Interactions with the fishing community led me to grasp a basic logic - increased demand had led to overfishing along the shores of Mumbai, forcing both mechanised trawlers and smaller fishermen into deeper waters, leading to unsustainable fishing pressures and an enhanced threat to endangered marine fish and mammals which were getting caught as bycatch. Waste and sewage disposal in the Arabian Sea had also affected the quality of catch apart from degrading the shoreline around Mumbai, with the benthic fauna having been totally wiped out (Jaiswar, 1999). As my knowledge increased, so did my desire to effect a positive change.
Lacking a background in science, I figured there were two ways to do this: (a) gain field experience by working with conservation organisations and (b) simultaneously increase my theoretical knowledge. In pursuit of these goals I scored a marine conservation internship with ReefWatch in the Andaman & Nicobar Islands for a month. I interacted with communities on the ground as the organisation engaged with local stakeholders to come up with a management plan to reduce their waste impact on the ocean. ReefWatch was also working on coral restoration in select areas, though that project was in a nascent stage.
Seeking a wider experience, I joined the development team at Wildlife Trust of India, a leading pan-Indian conservation NGO. I was exposed to conservation projects covering several species and landscapes, whether working to increase the population of Gharials (Gavialis gangeticus) in Bihar, protecting Greater One-horned Rhinoceroses (Rhinoceros unicornis) in Assam, or campaigning for Whale Shark (Rhincondon typus) conservation in Kerala. Rubbing shoulders with leading conservationists and scientists I learned several valuable lessons. For instance that there are very few, if any, greenprints that can be applied unchanged across geographies; to achieve long-term conservation success in a particular region, one must involve the local communities and stakeholders, understand their particular needs, and work simultaneously for their benefit and that of the affected species or habitat.
I am writing this essay this having spent a day with a whale shark research team on a boat in the Maldives. While the work this organisation does provides the basis for a strong framework, I realise that if the tourist resorts, governments and the fishing community do not all come together and develop an action plan to enforce the laws of the Marine Protected Areas (MPA) and the largest extant fish in the ocean - one which is a valuable economic resource to all stakeholders - it's all going to come crashing down. In a span of two hours we recorded over a hundred divers and snorkelers chasing after one or two sighted whale sharks, and 15 speedboats in the MPA where the limit is five per day. One of the whale sharks we sighted, named Koko by the team, had life-threatening injuries most probably caused by a propeller. "There comes a time when silence is betrayal", in the words of Martin Luther King Jr. I can't stay silent anymore.
My experiences over the last five-odd years, of chasing a dream to work within the marine realm, have brought me to this pass. It's taken a lot of convincing, emotional outbursts and a stubborn stance, which in the end has been worth it given how my family supports my mission today. I know that working in the field of marine conservation will give me the satisfaction nothing else will. My 'Statement of Purpose' elucidates why I chose the Coastal Science and Policy (CS&P) Master of Science program and why I believe it aligns with my own specific goals. For now, let me simply say that I believe your program will put me on the path to finding the contentedness of heart I seek.
The Coastal Science and Policy (CS&P) Master of Science Personal History Statement is limited to two pages and should summarize your academic and non-academic experience as it pertains to sustainability science and policy. Indicate how this background has inspired you to become a leader in coastal sustainability science and policy and prepared you to become that leader.
I have two versions of the personal Statement I need advice on which is stronger, also please review grammar and any comment on the flow. 1 at a time please.
pursuing the graduate degree in coastal science and policy
Version 1:- It took me 32 years to realise what I was passionate about in life. Prior to that, in my childhood and through my 20s, I followed the herd. I come from a conservative Gujarati family from India. As soon as I completed my undergraduate studies at the age of 21, my parents wanted me to get married. To buy time and with the support of a progressive grandmother, I convinced my parents to let me pursue a postgraduate degree. I knew what I had in store for me once I completed my course. As time passed, however, my thoughts changed and my parents too seemed to become more supportive; they let me pursue a career, with the proviso that I would eventually join the family business.
Working with the family business gave me the opportunity to take on a leadership role, to act with responsibility and make decisions that would benefit the business. It also allowed me to witness first-hand the uncaring attitudes within the business community with regards to the environment. I took it upon myself to start making small changes within the company, whether by reducing the unnecessary printing of documents or the recycling of water from the waste produced by the manufacturing unit. I went on to establish my own jewellery retail business, the core idea being to collaborate with NGOs that worked on women's empowerment to source handmade jewellery from rural and tribal areas within India.
During this time I had the privilege of meeting some amazingly strong women that had fought through illiteracy and gender inequality and stood strong in their conviction to pursue their desired paths. I remember a young girl named Kirti, all of 20 years old, working part-time making ethnic jewellery so she could fund her education. Her indomitable spirit rubbed off on me and a disconcerting realisation began gnawing at me: while I was comfortable doing what I was, it wasn't enough. It wasn't what I really wanted to do.
At the age of 32 I experienced the world beneath the sea, and my life changed forever. There is a back-story to this too: three years earlier I had attempted to scuba dive on a trip to Bali, but as soon as I wore the eye mask I began hyperventilating - I never even left the boat! A year later, on my 30th birthday, going through my mini-existential crisis, I created a bucket list. The first item: Master Scuba Diver. Today, I hold a PADI Master Scuba Diver certification with 70-odd dives. I have enjoyed my dives immensely, but living in the coastal city of Mumbai and visiting islands around India and abroad I have seen a blatant lack of interest from stakeholders in protecting the oceans and endangered marine life on which their own livelihoods depend.
A few years ago I began visiting the fish markets and landing centres in Mumbai to see the catch the fishermen were bringing in. Interactions with the fishing community led me to grasp a basic logic - increased demand had led to overfishing along the shores of Mumbai, forcing both mechanised trawlers and smaller fishermen into deeper waters, leading to unsustainable fishing pressures and an enhanced threat to endangered marine fish and mammals which were getting caught as bycatch. Waste and sewage disposal in the Arabian Sea had also affected the quality of catch apart from degrading the shoreline around Mumbai, with the benthic fauna having been totally wiped out (Jaiswar, 1999). As my knowledge increased, so did my desire to effect a positive change.
Lacking a background in science, I figured there were two ways to do this: (a) gain field experience by working with conservation organisations and (b) simultaneously increase my theoretical knowledge. In pursuit of these goals I scored a marine conservation internship with ReefWatch in the Andaman & Nicobar Islands for a month. I interacted with communities on the ground as the organisation engaged with local stakeholders to come up with a management plan to reduce their waste impact on the ocean. ReefWatch was also working on coral restoration in select areas, though that project was in a nascent stage.
Seeking a wider experience, I joined the development team at Wildlife Trust of India, a leading pan-Indian conservation NGO. I was exposed to conservation projects covering several species and landscapes, whether working to increase the population of Gharials (Gavialis gangeticus) in Bihar, protecting Greater One-horned Rhinoceroses (Rhinoceros unicornis) in Assam, or campaigning for Whale Shark (Rhincondon typus) conservation in Kerala. Rubbing shoulders with leading conservationists and scientists I learned several valuable lessons. For instance that there are very few, if any, greenprints that can be applied unchanged across geographies; to achieve long-term conservation success in a particular region, one must involve the local communities and stakeholders, understand their particular needs, and work simultaneously for their benefit and that of the affected species or habitat.
I am writing this essay this having spent a day with a whale shark research team on a boat in the Maldives. While the work this organisation does provides the basis for a strong framework, I realise that if the tourist resorts, governments and the fishing community do not all come together and develop an action plan to enforce the laws of the Marine Protected Areas (MPA) and the largest extant fish in the ocean - one which is a valuable economic resource to all stakeholders - it's all going to come crashing down. In a span of two hours we recorded over a hundred divers and snorkelers chasing after one or two sighted whale sharks, and 15 speedboats in the MPA where the limit is five per day. One of the whale sharks we sighted, named Koko by the team, had life-threatening injuries most probably caused by a propeller. "There comes a time when silence is betrayal", in the words of Martin Luther King Jr. I can't stay silent anymore.
My experiences over the last five-odd years, of chasing a dream to work within the marine realm, have brought me to this pass. It's taken a lot of convincing, emotional outbursts and a stubborn stance, which in the end has been worth it given how my family supports my mission today. I know that working in the field of marine conservation will give me the satisfaction nothing else will. My 'Statement of Purpose' elucidates why I chose the Coastal Science and Policy (CS&P) Master of Science program and why I believe it aligns with my own specific goals. For now, let me simply say that I believe your program will put me on the path to finding the contentedness of heart I seek.