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Masters admission - Letter of motivation - business and entrepreneurship

Rohi1 1 / -  
Jun 8, 2020   #1


Course - Masters in management with a Semester abroad
Please review it.
(I have written 450 worlds but I'm not able to figure out how do I conclude the essay, any ideas would be appreciated)

Dear Sir/Madam,

The world of business and entrepreneurship always fascinated me, I wanted to be a part of it. It was the second year of my bachelor's degree when I started working on an E-commerce start-up idea. Being from a small town in (XXXX), start-ups were still a new concept. As everything progressed and I gave my blood and sweat into building this business, my dream turned into reality.

I launched my start-up on 15th November 2018, the launch was a success, we received a very positive response from our target customers, and our revenue started growing. However, on 5th August 2019, a communication blockade was imposed, and all internet-based businesses in the region came to a screeching halt. Businesses, including mine, lost most of their customers, suppliers, and suffered significant losses. The ban was partially lifted in February 2020. Somehow we managed to restart our operations, and we were beginning to get back on our feet when the COVID-19 virus lockdown halted all our operations again. I tried supporting my employees as much as I could, but due to an already weak financial position, I had to wind up our operations.

This failure was a turning point for me, it pushed me to reset my mindset and gave me a moment to breathe, rebalance, and reprioritise. From the moment I started working on the idea, to the moment I had to shut it down, it taught me lessons I can never learn anywhere else. It helped me identify my weakness and my strong suit. The creative problem-solving skills I developed while overcoming the everyday challenges we faced during our operations helped me grow my business sense. However, it also made me realise that I should work on my management and leadership competencies to broaden my knowledge.

I believe failures are opportunities to learn, and I want to use this opportunity. My unrivalled hands-on experience along with a unique entrepreneurial perspective would be the perfect launchpad towards a master's degree in management, and blending it with (XX Abroad semester university Name XX) global experience would be an invaluable contribution to my personal and professional growth. It will help me fulfil my ambition of having a successful international career. Moreover, it will equip me with advanced business knowledge and leadership skills in a challenging multicultural environment.

Beyond my entrepreneurial experience, I believe it is essential to be socially involved. I regularly volunteer with non-profits and take small steps towards empowering underprivileged through education and other means. It is something which brings me joy. I plan to bring a socially responsible perspective to the class and work with other talented future business leaders from all around the world to find innovative and sustainable solutions.

(Conclusion paragraph)

Thank you.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,565 2976  
Jun 9, 2020   #2
You have a pretty strong motivational letter here and, believe it or not, you actually wrote a particularly striking concluding paragraph. You just do not realize it yet. Your concluding paragraph is paragraph 4. You do not need paragraph 5 in the motivational letter. That portion is more for the personal statement or other topic essays. I do not need to help you develop a concluding paragraph anymore. Like I said it is strong enough. However, I would like you to insert a paragraph to explain what motivated you to apply to the university. What impressed you about the course offering? Do not fall back on the commonly known information, try to find something unique about the program that impressed you and use that as the deciding factor that pushed you to apply at the university. After that, you can use the current paragraph 4 to close the essay.
Jun 17, 2020   #3
Impressive vocabulary. I think little bit of explanation on how you overcome challenges you faced in your business could show your strength and proves you competitive applicant.

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