"Mom's flu shot and quest for knowledge" - Law School Personal Statement

Hi! I'm looking for honest feedback on my personal statement below. Please tell me what you think. I Tried to include diversity statements as well. Thanks!

In the fall of 2006 my mother became very ill after receiving her annual flu shot. Something so mundane has not only altered her life but has subsequently changed the career path I set out for myself. My plans have always been to be successful in everything I set to accomplish. I had great ambitions as a high school senior. I was to be the first to graduate from college in my family and then go straight to law school for criminal law. Upon completion I would become a lawyer, and start my long journey to become a Supreme Court justice! I wanted to change the world. But with the events that followed my mothers' illness I soon learned it was my world and my priorities that were to change.

A few years before my mother became ill I had started undergraduate school at Temple University - Fox School of Business, determined to claim my independence from my family. My parents were constantly involved in violent domestic disputes which I was a witness to during my childhood and adolescent ages. I made a personal pledge to focus on my education without any distractions from my family. This proved effective only for my first semester at while living on campus. After that the emergent phone calls at school became unavoidable and my studies started to falter as I began to run to my families' aide again. I felt a sense of unexplainable responsibility to put my family ahead of my personal ambitions.

As time went on, my academic success correlated with the stability of my family life with some semesters being better than others. My final year of undergraduate studies I was able to find a healthy balance among my personal and academic lives. This balance allowed me to be a full-time student, work full-time, as well as aid as a Teacher's Assistant in a lower level Risk Management class for 4 semesters. My plan seemed to be back on track and my competitive nature along with my goal to be the first college graduate in my family is what fueled me to graduate with honors. That's when I received the call from my mother stating she couldn't feel the left side of her body. After months of being hospitalized it was apparent that it was an adverse reaction to her flu vaccination. How could this be? My mother could not walk or complete many daily tasks on her own. I became her primary care giver and it was now my responsibility to make sure she received the care that she needed.

With this added responsibility I made the tough decision not to go straight to law school so I could continue to work full time and also help my mother in any way I could. Four years later my mother is able to work and provide for herself and she doesn't need me as much as she did initially. With in this time I was compelled to research the care my mother had received while hospitalized and consequently forced to see the inequalities within the health care system. My research presented me with many questions which I took to a health care lawyer where I gained so much knowledge on discrepancies in my mothers care. I had no idea there was a whole area of law that focused on the ethical decisions associated with healthcare as well as health care regulation and financing. They were all topics that I had grown very passionate about and I wanted to learn more.

My quest for knowledge has helped in my career as an Underwriter. I've used my personal research and risk management courses from Temple to assist in better understanding the rating of Medical Malpractice Insurance. I've been working in the insurance industry since graduation and I've not once given up on attending law school. Instead, I became more proficient and more motivated with the time I did have to take and gain life experience to learn what my real passions are. If it was not for my sense of family responsibility I may have never shifted from criminal law and developed my fervent drive for health care law issues. I will be a far better law student in 2010 than I could ever have been in 2006.

Next year will be a new beginning for me. I will tackle law school just as I've successfully tackled other areas in my personal and academic lives. My life experiences have shown me that only those goals worth achieving will have road blocks to reaching them. I will continue to show that through hard work and determination I can overcome any barrier put in front of me and upon my completion of law school I will put that adage to work while facing the challenges presented by health care law.

Something so mundane has not only altered her life, but has subsequently changed the career path I'd set out for myself.

My plans have always been to be successful in everything I set out to accomplish.

But with the events that followed my mothers' illness I soon learned that my world and my priorities were about to change.

During my final year of undergraduate studies I was able to find a healthy balance between my personal and academic lives.

After months of being hospitalized, it was apparent that it was an adverse reaction to her flu vaccination.

Within this time I was compelled to research the care my mother had received while hospitalized, and consequently forced to see the inequalities ---is this the word you want here? It doesn't seem right to me.

... focused on the ethical decisions associated with healthcare, as well as health care regulation and financing.

Instead, I became more proficient and more motivated with the time I did have to take and
while gaining life experience to learn what my real passions are.

Thank you for the ctritique, as a whole does the essay make sense to you?

Yes... this is very good. I like the way you presented it. That first paragraph causes questions to arise in my mind, and I become invested in the story and your plan. Then, at the end of the essay I really thought the last sentence was very powerful.

:-)