What are you most proud of outside of your professional life? How does it shape who you are today?

1.What are you most proud of outside of your professional life? How does it shape who you are today? (up to 400 words)

In my view, the proudest moments in life are the moments when we are the humblest, especially when we experience our true humanitarian traits of compassion and empathy towards others.

For me, my greatest source of pride is my counseling clinic. Although, it is a small almost non-existent set up, something far from being appreciated, I see it as greater source of pride than many of my well applauded professional and academic achievements. As a strong advocate of education, especially women's education I was always an active participant in non-government and government programs designed for this purpose. In 2012, inspired by my past experiences, I launched an informal tutoring and mentoring center for domestic helper girls working in my locality. Started as a one teacher, four students tutoring center from a spare room in my house, the program has influenced the life of 250 girls to date. My team and I work in different capabilities to ensure that these girls who cannot afford sparing time for formal school system, graduate high school and are even able to purse professional careers.

I am not proud of the fact that I have managed a center for four years, or that it has grown from a basic tutoring center to a mentoring clinic. Rather, I am proud of the influence my small initiative has had over its life. I am proud that my efforts have mobilized my friends and peers to join the cause in whatever way they can, donating time or money. I feel honored to know the change my basic assistance and encouragement has bought in lives of my mentees. I am delighted that many of my students who had not seen formal high school are now role models in their communities. I swell with pride when my students tell me they have secured merit scholarships in reputed colleges in the country, many first in their communities to even complete high school. The pleasure I feel when my mentee expresses desire to follow my footsteps and mentor girls in her village is indescribable.

At a personal level, the satisfaction of giving back has amplified my sense of belonging to society. This experience has inculcated the virtue of fraternity feeling within me. Being a small part of the bigger community hasn't suppressed my desire to work for a greater cause. I wish to carry forward the same energy, enthusiasm and sincerity as I move ahead in life and join hands with my peers to influence community in a positive way.

Sofia, you should not keep that single sentence that tries to explain what people are usually proud of in their lives. It doesn't matter to the rest of your discussion. In fact, it doesn't even help to entice the reader to continue reading your paper. In a word limited essay, you must always open the essay with a statement of fact or direct response to the prompt you were provided. This is something that is seen as having been accomplished in your second paragraph. You have impressively narrated why you are proud of your counseling center. Which is no small feat for any professional with a full time job such as yourself. So make sure the reviewer knows about that sense of pride from the very beginning.

I would caution you however in saying negative things like "I am not proud of the fact that that I have managed a counseling center for four years". That is a downgrading of your achievement. If you are expecting someone to tell you "No, you should be proud of what you have achieved", you have another thing coming. The reviewer will not say that. He will just think that you are crazy to be belittling your accomplishments when you are being asked to say what you are proud of it. Remove that line.

Just keep up with the positive purpose of your paper. You clearly show how this advocacy has helped to make you a better person so don't do anything to jeopardize that image in the essay. This is actually a very well developed essay, provided you omit the 2 portions that I previously mentioned.

Take out "In my view," from the first sentence. It lessens the strength of whatever you say after it and just doesn't flow as well.

Second, that counseling center sounds really cool! It wouldn't call it almost non-existent however because that undermines it and honestly had me confused about whether or not it really exists!

And I agree with the other reviewer, don't say anything negative. Rather say you are more proud of whatever else. Show you are proud of both, don't detract your accomplishments.