Please help me with my essay, anything, gramma, structure, content. I especially need comments on whether my purpose is convincing. Thanks a lot!
Now it comes to a point when I need to make a life-changing decision - a Food Science PhD or not. It is a decision that takes years of trials and nights of consideration to be finally made.
Two years ago when I moved America for exchange study in UC Davis, the most frequently asked question was "what makes you into Food Science". Although by then I have studied Food Science for 3 and half years under my parents' expectation, that was the point when I started to think what would fuel my passion and future career. Was it food science of anything else? So then I tried other subjects, such as stretching out for economic knowledge, auditing in accounting class and also engaging in statistical projects. Eventually and fortunately, I realized my enthusiasm still existed in Food Science, for that I like cooking and passionate in finding out knowledge to explain phenomenon happened during cooking. The economic and statistical knowledge that I gained in return benefit me from handling data and understanding sensory and business side of food industry.
The field of flavor captured my interest after I moved to America, when varieties of foods that are not common in China broaden my horizon of combinations of flavors and smells. Especially I was amazed at the subtle but extinguishable flavors of olive oils of each variety and plantation location. So when a project of analyzing grape seed oils, which are similar to olive oils and contain special flavors, was presented in front of me, I quickly grabbed it without hesitation. The oils are extracted from the 8 varieties of grape seeds individually, which are the by-products of commonly existed wine. If we have more information about the novel oils, it would help to promote a millions dollar business in California and utilize the valuable "waste". I started this project from evaluating the quality of the oils by analyzing the level of Free Fatty Acid, Peroxide Value, p-Anisidine Value, and Ultraviolence Reading. There are two problems coming to the way: 1) there are no existed standards of grape seed oils to compare my results with; 2) even though there are standards, the definition of "quality" is confusing, because it is usually defined by some chemical indices, which may not be reliable enough to reflect the whole quality. My opinion is that the "quality" should be decided ultimately by tasters. Therefore under the support of my adviser Dr. XXX, I am seeking help from Dr. XXX, who is specialized in descriptive sensory science. Now I am on the way of developing sensory descriptor of the defects as well as flavors, and compare the chemical indices to defect rating of the oils.
Another discovery so far is the level of the quality indices and total phenolic compounds are significantly different between the oils extracted from white wine grape and red wine grape seed. My hypothesis would that difference in fermentation process before extraction makes the different, since the seeds of white wine grape are taken out before fermentation while oils of red wine grape seeds are extracted after fermentation. The basic tasting of oils also indicates that the flavor of white wine seeds is distinguished from red wine seeds. So next step I will move to identifying the flavor compounds in 8 varieties of oils and compare the flavors compounds between white grape seeds and red grape seeds. However, due to the time and fund limitation, I am not able to discover the sources of the flavor compounds. The desire to search deeper and scratch my curiosity pushes me to apply to a PhD program.
The experience in researching in this project strengthens my interest in flavor and sensory science. Flavor and sensory are meant to be on the same boat. In order to manipulate the flavor, one must identify the flavor profile, then discovering the chemistry and mechanism behind it. After understanding the relationship between the sensory properties and chemistry, the flavor could be manipulated by altering the condition under which the chemistry happens. That is the reason I would like to pursue my PhD in flavor chemistry area with the understanding of sensory measurements.
Prior to my master program, I was engaged in a big project of developing microwavable Chinese traditional food. One of the problems is pre-fried frozen dough become soggy after microwaving due to moisture migration. We developed an effective coating ingredient by adding modified protein. My contribution mainly focused on evaluating the effect of the modified protein during gelatinization by ATR-FTIR. I found that the protein is capable of migration of moisture and decrease of the crystallization of starch, which makes the batter system more stable. The whole project won the second prize of the Challenge Cup" National Undergraduate Curricular Academic Science and Technology Competition, which is the only one of the food science area.
Although I am enjoying the working in the scientific area, I was still wondering whether PhD would be my best choice, until I took an internship this summer. I was luckily assigned a project to discover the parameters of chromatography for purification of lactoferrin from cheese whey on bench top, under the supervision of the director of R&D Dr. Chao Wu. After 3 months, 9 hours a day's trials and errors, I finally picked the right resin from 12 kinds in total and developed the conditions of absorption and elution. Proudly the pilot plant trial was based on the results I submitted. Although my internship was highly valued by my director and HR, the experience of working in the industry makes me realize in order to stand out in the technology field, a longer-timed project is necessary to horn my scientific skills from discovering problems all the way to solving problems. More importantly, after seriously consideration of my future career, a PhD would benefit me for being a scientist in flavor or fragrance industry or academic areas.
It is my sincere believe that my strong sense of purpose with practical and professional background in food science, make me an competitive candidate to PhD program in University of XXX.
Now it comes to a point when I need to make a life-changing decision - a Food Science PhD or not. It is a decision that takes years of trials and nights of consideration to be finally made.
I feel you really don't need this, as everyone in the university probably knows that choosing a PhD isn't easy. You can focus more on other areas instead.
"what makes you into Food Science". -> "What made you choose Food Science"
I have studied Food Science -> use "had"
under my parents' expectation
Don't include this if you want to make the university think that you chose food science because your parents told you to.
I realized my enthusiasm still existed in Food Science, for that I like cooking and passionate in finding out knowledge to explain phenomenon happened during cooking my enthusiasm still existed-> my enthusiasm still lied
for that-> since
Before the green part, Include "I am"
explain phenomenon happened-> phenomena that happened
China broaden my horizon -> broadened
Especially I was amazed at the subtle but extinguishable flavors of olive oils of each variety and plantation location Especially I was amazed at->I was especially amazed by
instead of plantation location, just say region, it will be less awkward
I wish I had more time to review it, but I have to go to training now. I give you my best wishes in this holiday season, and hope you get what you wish for. I am sorry if any of my criticism offended you.
