The reason to choose SMIB program.

a dream career as a business consultant in Asia

Hello everybody! This is one of the essays I wrote to apply for business school. The question is that: Please discuss your motivation to choose this program. Could you please give your recommendations to me? Thank you in advance!

I believe that SMIB can help me expand my knowledge and experience to stand out in current global and competitive business environment.

I have been pursuing my dream career as a business consultant in Asia area. Because lack of proper knowledge and skills in an international workplace can lead to clash and failures, I need to prepare carefully considering my career path. After talking to Mr. XXX from XXX, I got introduced to the SMIB program and discovered SMIB`s Asian Strategy track as the perfect choice to gain deep understanding of business in Asian Context. The curriculum does not only cover the basic knowledge about business, but also take focus on Asian business culture. Since business theory is meaningless without practice, I am strongly impressed by that this program makes students keep going ahead about technology and creativity with unique missions and seminars. For instance, though I am still new to consulting field, through Asian Strategy track I can start to obtain practical experience before graduating. In short, with both of academic and practical approach, SMIB will build the strong foundation to prepare for me to work in competitive and challenging consulting field.

On more reason that I apply for SMIB is XXX Business School itself, where most excellent teachers and students from different backgrounds gather. The studying environment in XXX will nurture my interpersonal skills and ability to adapt to diverse people which will be surely beneficial in the future. Plus, when it comes to choosing business schools, I do regard their connections as an essential factor. With great presence around the world, XXX has a strong alumni network which enhances opportunities greatly for my career.

I have the strong belief that it is now the right timing to pursue a Master Degree and SMIB is definitely the good investment, worth of time, money and effort to embark on my career path in the future.

@linhcu Hello!
Here is some suggestions for you:
You need to add at least one more paragraph that explain why you are the right person to get admitted to the business school, such as your experience in business or interest in particular business, it could also be books or movies about business that draw your interest.

I think your first paragraph should come last, because it is more like a concluding sentence to me.
The last one, it is better to correct it to : "I am strongly impressed by the fact that this program..." because "by that this program" was just sounds off.

That was it from me, I hope you find this useful :)

@urufaru Thanks! However, this essay is limited to 2000 characters as required by that b-school and its hard to add one more paragraph.

Tran, remove the opening sentence and closing sentence. Those are not necessary to the presentation of your discussion and only takes up valuable word count in the statement. Unless, the person you mention in the essay is willing to vouch for your discussions with him and / or write you a recommendation letter, do not use his name as a reference in the essay. Mentioning his name sounds like you are trying to gain undue advantage due to your familiarity with an employee of the university when compared to other applicants. Removing that reference and combining the remaining paragraph with the paragraph about another reason you chose to attend SMIB will provide the most relevant and usable statement of response for this prompt requirement. It doesn't need to be overly descriptive. Your simple response actually helps to deliver a better idea as to what criteria you used to choose your business school. Which is something that the reviewers value when reading the responses to this question.