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The reason why I choose the Public Health course

kurulu 1 / 1  
Apr 15, 2021   #1

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?

The reason why I choose the Public Health course is that it provides knowledge on the problem I deeply care about. I have an interest in this field since college and was boosted when I experienced real health problems as I worked as a general practitioner and a research assistant.

In Indonesia, the health of women still become a big issue that needs attention. The maternal mortality ratio in 2015 was 305 per 100,000 live births, which means one pregnant woman dies every minute. This number often goes unnoticed even though it is more than the number of airplane crash victims in a year.

I've been worked in a small district in Maluku, where health is something luxurious. I met a lot of patients with low health status due to inadequate health literacy, poverty, and poor health system. During working on my final project about the factors associated with neonatal death in that district, I encountered a woman whose child died after birth and had a hemorrhage. Instead of seeking medical help, she sought help from the traditional birth attendant. The reason was due to difficulty accessing health facilities and financial problems. This case is only one of the deaths and morbidities that have occurred due to complex problems.

I choose Public Health at The University of Melbourne as the first choice and Public Health at The University of Sydney as the second choice. Both of the universities offer a curriculum that suits what I aimed to learn more. The cities are also well-known as multicultural cities where students come from all over the world. This will strengthen my colleague network as it is very essential for public health professionals. The special point of The University of Melbourne is because they are the pioneer of adolescent health centers in the world and has an elective program where I can get exposure to real health problems. But I believe both universities can fulfill my interest in studying public health.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498  
Apr 15, 2021   #2
The first two paragraphs are irrelevant. The first, is because you are not really portraying any professional information to introduce your interest. The second, contains information over 5 years old, which means it is no longer up to date and cannot be used in such application essays. Truth be told, the actual information that the reviewer would earnestly want to learn about starts in the 3rd paragraph. So reformatting that to properly open the essay would help create a more relevant background / foundation for the reason you chose your proposed course/s.

what I aimed to learn more.

Which are? Based on each university? Specifics are required and differences in learning focus, per university course offering would help. Each course has a stand out point that made you choose it. So base the reason for the university choice on the memorable or important learning points (as far as you are concerned). Remove the last sentence. Since you cannot attend both universities, you should not make such a confusing reference. Develop a different closing line.
brsn 2 / 4  
Apr 15, 2021   #3
Hi @kurulu, I am going to apply for AAS 2022 as well.
From my limited knowledge and experience, I would recommend you to write 3 paragraphs.

1st paragraph: brief information of your current job and position (this paragraphs shouldn't be too long)
2nd paragraph: first preference school
3rd paragraph: second preference school
Good luck with your application. G
OP kurulu 1 / 1  
May 6, 2021   #4
thank you for your feedback. it is very helpful

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