'Research project and industrial' - Personal Statement for MSc Energy and Environment

Hello, I need some advices for my PS. What other things that I need to include in my PS to make it more attracting? This is my first time writing one. Any suggestion will help me a lot.

I remember vividly the first experiment my science teacher demonstrated to us during my primary school. She put two electrodes into a salt solution and passed an electric current. I could see gases were gradually generated at both of the electrodes and the fact that electrical energy can be produced if the reaction is reversed fascinated me and has triggered my interest in Science. After graduated from high school, I was awarded a scholarship by the Malaysian Government to further my study at a technical college in Japan. Due to my interest especially in Chemistry, I decided to take the Chemistry and Materials Science course and three years later, I completed the course with an Excellent Student Award and was successfully received as a student of the Department of Science and Engineering at the University of Tsukuba, Japan.

During my period of study at the technical college (Gunma National College of Technology), I was introduced the concept of sustainability during a class visit to Tokyo Gas, one of the leading companies in the field of energy in Japan. We were then required by the professor to investigate the impacts of the climate change and to discuss the adaptations that should be made. This assignment has provided me with opportunity to look into the many critical environmental issues as well as the major factors and as a consequence, I became very concerned about the potential risk posed if third-world countries continue to develop without the latest technologies and sufficient awareness of environmental issues.

Unlike the advanced countries, most of the developing countries are still far away from the starting line to establish green technology. The lack of awareness of environmental issues and the prohibitive cost of implementation of green technology are, in my opinion, the major hurdles. Bearing this in mind, I decided to involve in the field of sustainable development and my goal is to contribute to bettering the technologies of developing countries. I believe that a clean and sustainable technology, coupled with a close cooperation between government and industry sector can assure an economic development without harming the environment.

By applying to XXX, I am aiming to deepen my knowledge of sustainable development as well as acquiring the essential technical skills that will help me to pursue my ultimate goal. I am particularly attracted to the opportunity of undertaking a research project in collaboration with companies and organizations from a wide range of sectors that is available at XXX. I believe that taking advantage of the strong industrial connections would also help the planning of my future career. Furthermore, the diversity of people available at XXX will provide me with platform to interact with specialists from different backgrounds and would enable further understandings of issues related to sustainable development in the third-world countries.

As I successfully complete my postgraduate course, I hope to work for an international organization which involves in the field of sustainable development. I assure you that if provided the opportunity, I will prove myself a capable and dedicated student.

THANKS!!

This is very good! I am impressed. I think the best thing to do is work on the first sentence of the essay and also the MAIN THEME of the essay.

I hope you will add a sentence before that first sentence... a sentence that will suggest a particular idea about the important truth that motivates you to enter this field.

It will be great if you give a personal observation at the beginning, mention it again in the middle of the essay, and then mention it one last time at the end. Repeat a clever phrase in the first and last paragraph of the essay. :-)

Give the reader a theme to remember. Right now it is very impressive, but it is "all business."

Thanks for the suggestion!
I will think it over. =)

I have tried to write a new piece of essay. Was wondering whether I should elaborate more about my experiences. Advices and corrections of grammar are highly appreciated!

______________________________________________________________________ ____________Thanks!

I hope you find time to read The Body Electric by Becker. It is very complicated, but if you have enough knowledge to understand it you will really enjoy it.

I have no advice. You write so well, I think I need to take advice from you instead of giving advice.

If you want to improve this further, find a place to refer to some recent research studies about your particular topics of interest in chem. Know what I mean? You already do a great job, so the thing to do now is show that you read professional journal articles written by people doing the kind of work you want to do.

Other than that, I have no suggestions!

This is not specific enough. What type of technology do you want to improve? Green technology/engineering/chemistry are very broad fields. The concept of sustainable development can be applied to a lot of situations. Those situations may or may not be scientific.

So, you should specify the field where you want to work. Like Kevin said, read some articles from professional journals. You probably know the 12 principles of Green Chemistry and the 12 principles of Green Engineering. Read where those are applied. In short, research more about your chosen field. If you have already done that, include some of it to highlight your objectives.