Hi!! My name is Nicole and I'm currently a student in Taiwan. =)
Below is my SOP for admision to grad school: childhood education; and I would really, really appreciate it if I can get as much in-depth feedback as possible.
This is my first draft, so please go easy?! hahaha! just kidding.
I mean that I am really eager to improve this and making it work so I am looking forward to every comment.
Please by all means don't hesitate to comment on my SOP. Thank you all so much!!!
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My passion in education was spurred from my teaching experiences during college. When I entered college, I started taking on many teaching jobs, from tutoring one-on-one to teaching in classroom settings and summer camps. I have taught children from 9 to 22, and have taught different subjects such as English, Japanese, violin, and piano. Since I study and teach in Taiwan, I have noticed that most teachers here are very strict on children. Many Taiwanese parents place much pressure and expectations on their children, hoping for them to succeed. These parents make their children go to cram schools not only for school subjects but even cram schools for music, art, and even sports. Teachers here, especially those who teach young children, are under a lot of stress as parents expect them to be able to make their children smarter and their grades higher. Stressed teachers usually push the child even more and this causes many children in Taiwan to become unhappy. As a tutor, many children confide in me how much pressure they are under and how their parents force them to do and learn things they have no interest in. Some plead me to not give them too many assignments as they have already loads of assignments from school and cram schools, and others don't understand why their teachers are so strict with them. Since I was a child, I have always been a curious child who loved to read, learn, and experience new things. I had that spark everyday wherein I was always excited of what the day would bring and eager to know what I would be able to learn that day. As I taught these students, I am sad that I rarely see this spark in children nowadays, and this is exactly what motivated me to want to make a difference.
Driven by my experiences, I am motivated to pursue a degree in education; childhood education in particular. I believe that all children are curious, smart, and eager to learn; and that with the help of a good teacher, each child can shine with a light of his or her own. By applying to graduate school, I want to learn more professional and specialized knowledge and more teaching methods. I am eager to learn how to improve the learning environments of children and how I can inspire children to want to learn more. The world we live in is now a globalized world, and I wish to be able research on how to create more innovative and creative educational settings. My dream is for children across the world to be able to interact with each other and learn from each other. Sometimes, as adults, our views become limited and we find it hard to see things from a different light. Since we ourselves learn so much from children, children should be able to learn from other children as well. I am also eager to get to know people who share my passion and my views. Even though I have received positive feedback of my teaching from parents and students, I still have a lot to learn and a lot of improvements I can make. I believe that your program at ___ will provide me with both the professional knowledge I yearn for and the environment to help me grow as a person.
What professional knowledge I lack I make up for with a plenitude of unique experiences and abilities that I can share and contribute with people I meet. I have stayed in various countries such since I was a child, such as Hong Kong, US, Philippines, and Taiwan. Thanks to this opportunity I was able to meet people of various cultures and races, and I have always loved listening to their different viewpoints. I have been playing the violin and piano ever since I could remember, and I speak English, Chinese Mandarin, and Japanese fluently. I am confident that these intangible assets can be of great assistance in my future career as an educator. I remember a quote by Audrey Hepburn that I would like to realize: "Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others". I have had the chance to learn from many teachers, and this time, I would like to extend my hand and help children to be able to shine.
There are a few places where your sentences could be made clearer, for example; My passion in education was spurred from my teaching experiences during college. would be better as My passion for education was spurred by... also, I have taught children from 9 to 22, would be better as "have taught students from age nine to twenty two." The word students would be better here, as age twenty two is an adult. Also, you should write the numbers out.
Your essay is coming out well, you have a good opening and closing, and it's interesting throughout. Just check sentences for clarity, getting rid of any unnecessary words.
Good luck in school!
