SOP part for extra co-curricular activity - Ph.D

Hi, I wrote the some of my skills as following:

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After completing my Master of Science, I decided to go for Master of Technology in VLSI Design (M.Tech.) from xyz university. As a student of M.Tech; it has been my great fortune to work closely with the Scientist and Professors in VLSI Design, where I had gone through variety of frontend VLSI projects with an unbeatable Thesis work in semiconductor memories entitled "XYZ" at STMicroelectronics, the world's fifth largest semiconductor company. During this period, a project idea "ABC" had selected and presented in National Level Applied R & D Project Contest "ProCon'05" held at CDAC.

I got recognized for Paper Presentation in a National Level Technical Symposium, for the paper "DNA Computing". This launch pad gave me a platform to many presentations in a number of national technical symposiums. This prolonged interest made me continue and write a research paper, "Biological Computing", which I presented in National Level Symposium on Electronics Technology organized by IEEE-ED/MTT-Chapter as well as in ALL INDIA TECHNICAL SYMPOSIUM "MYSTICA 2004". I have also participated in digital system logic design competitions at national level.

Besides academics, I won a lot of medals and prizes in various co-curricular activities like Yoga, Group Discussions, rangoli contest, face painting, matki phode, adventures events etc. I am "Gold Medalist" in All India Inter University Yoga Championship (A.I.U) held at T.M. Bhagalpur University, INDIA in 2004. Awarded with "University Colors Award" from Kurukshetra University, Kurukshetra in the game of Yoga in year 2002 & 2004.

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Could anybody let me know the mistakes in above written contents.

I more thing i want to know, As i am applying for the Ph.D position; Should it be right to show extra curricular activity ? or should i show only the technical part ? Please guide me.

Regards,
Rohi

1. Say more about the two papers you presented, giving a one sentence abstract of each.

2. Say more about your participation in the digital system logic design cometition, providing one or two sentences about your entry or entries.

3. Do mention the extra-curriculars, but not in quite so much detail. List your yoga awards. Mention your group discussions award. Leave out face painting. Instead just say that you participated in many other extra-curricular activities and look forward to being an active member of your department and campus communities.

Hi Simone,

Thanks for your valuable feedback. I have appended the feedback in my SOP.

-- Rohi

You don't need the capital letters here.

"I was recognized for Paper Presentation in a National Level Technical Symposium" "Got" is too informal.


You need to revise this sentence. You didn't win academics, and so the structure you are using with "besides" ends up sounding odd.