hi everyone, This is my statement of purpose for the graduate school (2 pages, A4), PhD in Materials Science and Engineering (USA). Any critique/suggestions of the essay will be highly appreciated. I have these concerns:
1. the introduction (first and second paragraph) my inspiration and how I developed my passion to pursue my studies in this field (it's a true story!)?
2. did I list too much info about my background and research experiences/should I write more about my interests and less about my background or not? I tried to write almost 50% about my interests and 50% about my experiences. ( BS in Iran and then MS in Malaysia)
I would be thankful if you could help me to write the final version of my essay, This my 7th draft, very urgent!! (deadline January 1st)! Thank you all for your help!
3. as I'm not a native English speaker, there must be some mistakes.
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Statement of Purpose
Two reasons have influenced my choice: My Interest and Ability. I recall my childhood like it was yesterday. I grew up as a boy who used to see the art of medical science to advance healthcare treatment. Because of my mother's profession (nurse director of ICU), she sometimes took me to the hospital after school and we often went to medical device suppliers and firms. During this visits, I saw the products and strange devices in the manager' room and was simply curious about their appearance and the materials used in implants. I was fascinated that a medical device manufactured to replace a missing biological structure. I asked the salesman about those man-made devices, "what is it made of?", and heard from the salesman, "Titanium".
I was especially intrigued by the work carried out at the front line and realized that behind these products are the engineers who take these devices through the design process, from research stage to the final finished product. I have always been fascinated by the idea that a deficient organ could be replaced by a man-made object and planned to pursue a career in a discipline that would be a great way of working in the fields of engineering and medicine. Although I had the opportunity to study medical science, my creativity and desire to learn about the science of materials, engineering lifesaving solutions and developing technologies that directly impact people's health and quality of life led me to pursue my undergraduate program in materials science and engineering. This experience brought back vivid memories of how the structural facets of life fascinated me even as a child, and continued to motivate my educational and professional journeys, until the time I focused my researches on Titanium as my undergraduate final project and biomaterials in graduated studies. Having researched the crossover between materials and biomedical engineering, I decided that this field provided the perfect blend for my primary interests in the areas of developing biomaterials. My objective is to have a career in research and even a faculty member who can lead an active research group.
Concrete foundations in the sciences propelled me towards a bachelor's degree. I began my undergraduate career at X, where I chose to undertake a project in my final year on Titanium and its alloys as one of the most imperative group of materials in the field of biomedical engineering, under the supervision of Dr. X. I found the more that I challenged myself, the better I did; my grades were best in my last two years when I was taking core subjects and had a difficult course load. I also awarded as a member of 2nd team in the 6th national heat treatment symposium. I drew from my experience I used to teach chemistry and mathematics to high school students. This enhanced my own knowledge of the field and solidified my interest in academics. I believed that I had to refine my knowledge and skills and my aspirations were redirected towards pursuing basic science. Hence, I decided to delve into Materials science and engineering by continuing my education in M.Sc. program.
On December 2009, I chose the Material Science & Engineering program at the prestigious University of Technology Malaysia (UTM) Where I graduated with a CGPA 3.89 out of 4.0. Realizing composites coatings and coating process of nano/bio materials as an advanced process, I decided to purse my master's thesis under the supervision of Dr. X; I focused my research on synthesis and characterization of nano Alumina-Nickel composite coating and began to look at the same matter from different angles, from the eyes of a biomedical engineer. As is often the case in scientific research we encountered surprises, challenges and problems in the project. I completed myself the design of equipments which was my proudest achievement. I joined the department of Materials Engineering's appointment to serve as a teaching assistant for materials selection. Beside my master project, I was also offered to work on nickel deposition on molybdenum and titanium substrate by high speed electroplating by Dr. X and we are also about to submit a paper to journal of the international surface engineering (Institute of Metal finishing, UK). These projects have given me experience in advanced lab work, research strategy and the opportunity to be me more independent and stronger, mentally. In addition, I thought English to students who wanted to prepare for the IELTS and to join the faculty in UTM.
After working on various researches and my strong interest, I found a chance to enter Biomaterials Research Center at Faculty of Biomedical Engineering & Health Science at UTM. I took part in research projects by other master students by the aim that applications like surface treatment on metallic biomaterials could reduce the tissue and organism injury in body fluid. Working as a team was crucial to root out any problems that we encountered and the spirit of teamwork made these projects a pleasant learning experience. we have made several contributions to international conferences and papers in recognized journals (listed on my CV). This helped me to better understand the work I can do in the field of biomedical and healthcare as a materials science engineer and confirmed my desire to continue materials science and engineering in related biomedical areas.
In addition to academic projects, I have been as an assistant in industrial projects at X Co., at science and technology town center (ISTT) in X. I was lucky to be accepted in an internship program when I backed from Malaysia after graduation. At the end of my internship, I was hired as a full-time researcher and technical consultant and had the opportunity to work on projects such as thermal modeling of walking-beam reheat furnaces at X Steel Co. and simulation of rotary lime kiln at X Steel Complex. My short term stay in this very competitive environment has given me invaluable practical experience and has demonstrated that I am a fast learner and that I cope well with pressure and specific deadlines.
Looking back, I am completely amazed at how transforming the graduate school and work experience has been. The last four years of scientific pursuit have not only solidified my interest in research but has also given me a diverse and multicultural background necessary to be a good team player and work autonomously as well. Now that I have firmly established myself as a competent researcher, my next endeavor will be to gain more concrete experience in a PhD program. In my point of view, biomedical engineers combine engineering approaches and principles with a rigorous knowledge of the materials and health sciences, working toward the embracive goal of enhancing human health. I appreciate the work done so far and hope to do my part in this field and ensuring that effective, and affordable, treatments are available.
With my prior enthusiasm and strong commitment to research, multifold experience and interdisciplinary background in materials engineering, I am confident that I have prepared myself well for my upcoming PhD study and research in the Department of Materials Engineering at X; and particularly interested in investigation and developing novel biomaterials for biomedical applications in X Research Group, at Biomaterials and Nanomedicine Lab conducted by Dr. X. I am very much interested in your graduate program; the main reason is that the program at X fosters interdisciplinary collaborations with material science, bioengineering and the health sciences research; the department web site revealed a very strong faculty involved in extensive research. In addition, there are areas with research interests similar to mine that altogether make this university the best choice for me. I am sure if I am given the opportunity to study at your university that attracts some of the best students from all over the world, because of its competitive environment, it will bring out the best in me.
Thank you for your consideration
name
1. the introduction (first and second paragraph) my inspiration and how I developed my passion to pursue my studies in this field (it's a true story!)?
2. did I list too much info about my background and research experiences/should I write more about my interests and less about my background or not? I tried to write almost 50% about my interests and 50% about my experiences. ( BS in Iran and then MS in Malaysia)
I would be thankful if you could help me to write the final version of my essay, This my 7th draft, very urgent!! (deadline January 1st)! Thank you all for your help!
3. as I'm not a native English speaker, there must be some mistakes.
----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------
Statement of Purpose
Two reasons have influenced my choice: My Interest and Ability. I recall my childhood like it was yesterday. I grew up as a boy who used to see the art of medical science to advance healthcare treatment. Because of my mother's profession (nurse director of ICU), she sometimes took me to the hospital after school and we often went to medical device suppliers and firms. During this visits, I saw the products and strange devices in the manager' room and was simply curious about their appearance and the materials used in implants. I was fascinated that a medical device manufactured to replace a missing biological structure. I asked the salesman about those man-made devices, "what is it made of?", and heard from the salesman, "Titanium".
I was especially intrigued by the work carried out at the front line and realized that behind these products are the engineers who take these devices through the design process, from research stage to the final finished product. I have always been fascinated by the idea that a deficient organ could be replaced by a man-made object and planned to pursue a career in a discipline that would be a great way of working in the fields of engineering and medicine. Although I had the opportunity to study medical science, my creativity and desire to learn about the science of materials, engineering lifesaving solutions and developing technologies that directly impact people's health and quality of life led me to pursue my undergraduate program in materials science and engineering. This experience brought back vivid memories of how the structural facets of life fascinated me even as a child, and continued to motivate my educational and professional journeys, until the time I focused my researches on Titanium as my undergraduate final project and biomaterials in graduated studies. Having researched the crossover between materials and biomedical engineering, I decided that this field provided the perfect blend for my primary interests in the areas of developing biomaterials. My objective is to have a career in research and even a faculty member who can lead an active research group.
Concrete foundations in the sciences propelled me towards a bachelor's degree. I began my undergraduate career at X, where I chose to undertake a project in my final year on Titanium and its alloys as one of the most imperative group of materials in the field of biomedical engineering, under the supervision of Dr. X. I found the more that I challenged myself, the better I did; my grades were best in my last two years when I was taking core subjects and had a difficult course load. I also awarded as a member of 2nd team in the 6th national heat treatment symposium. I drew from my experience I used to teach chemistry and mathematics to high school students. This enhanced my own knowledge of the field and solidified my interest in academics. I believed that I had to refine my knowledge and skills and my aspirations were redirected towards pursuing basic science. Hence, I decided to delve into Materials science and engineering by continuing my education in M.Sc. program.
On December 2009, I chose the Material Science & Engineering program at the prestigious University of Technology Malaysia (UTM) Where I graduated with a CGPA 3.89 out of 4.0. Realizing composites coatings and coating process of nano/bio materials as an advanced process, I decided to purse my master's thesis under the supervision of Dr. X; I focused my research on synthesis and characterization of nano Alumina-Nickel composite coating and began to look at the same matter from different angles, from the eyes of a biomedical engineer. As is often the case in scientific research we encountered surprises, challenges and problems in the project. I completed myself the design of equipments which was my proudest achievement. I joined the department of Materials Engineering's appointment to serve as a teaching assistant for materials selection. Beside my master project, I was also offered to work on nickel deposition on molybdenum and titanium substrate by high speed electroplating by Dr. X and we are also about to submit a paper to journal of the international surface engineering (Institute of Metal finishing, UK). These projects have given me experience in advanced lab work, research strategy and the opportunity to be me more independent and stronger, mentally. In addition, I thought English to students who wanted to prepare for the IELTS and to join the faculty in UTM.
After working on various researches and my strong interest, I found a chance to enter Biomaterials Research Center at Faculty of Biomedical Engineering & Health Science at UTM. I took part in research projects by other master students by the aim that applications like surface treatment on metallic biomaterials could reduce the tissue and organism injury in body fluid. Working as a team was crucial to root out any problems that we encountered and the spirit of teamwork made these projects a pleasant learning experience. we have made several contributions to international conferences and papers in recognized journals (listed on my CV). This helped me to better understand the work I can do in the field of biomedical and healthcare as a materials science engineer and confirmed my desire to continue materials science and engineering in related biomedical areas.
In addition to academic projects, I have been as an assistant in industrial projects at X Co., at science and technology town center (ISTT) in X. I was lucky to be accepted in an internship program when I backed from Malaysia after graduation. At the end of my internship, I was hired as a full-time researcher and technical consultant and had the opportunity to work on projects such as thermal modeling of walking-beam reheat furnaces at X Steel Co. and simulation of rotary lime kiln at X Steel Complex. My short term stay in this very competitive environment has given me invaluable practical experience and has demonstrated that I am a fast learner and that I cope well with pressure and specific deadlines.
Looking back, I am completely amazed at how transforming the graduate school and work experience has been. The last four years of scientific pursuit have not only solidified my interest in research but has also given me a diverse and multicultural background necessary to be a good team player and work autonomously as well. Now that I have firmly established myself as a competent researcher, my next endeavor will be to gain more concrete experience in a PhD program. In my point of view, biomedical engineers combine engineering approaches and principles with a rigorous knowledge of the materials and health sciences, working toward the embracive goal of enhancing human health. I appreciate the work done so far and hope to do my part in this field and ensuring that effective, and affordable, treatments are available.
With my prior enthusiasm and strong commitment to research, multifold experience and interdisciplinary background in materials engineering, I am confident that I have prepared myself well for my upcoming PhD study and research in the Department of Materials Engineering at X; and particularly interested in investigation and developing novel biomaterials for biomedical applications in X Research Group, at Biomaterials and Nanomedicine Lab conducted by Dr. X. I am very much interested in your graduate program; the main reason is that the program at X fosters interdisciplinary collaborations with material science, bioengineering and the health sciences research; the department web site revealed a very strong faculty involved in extensive research. In addition, there are areas with research interests similar to mine that altogether make this university the best choice for me. I am sure if I am given the opportunity to study at your university that attracts some of the best students from all over the world, because of its competitive environment, it will bring out the best in me.
Thank you for your consideration
name