Statement of Purpose - MS in Data Science George Washington University

Hello,
This is my first time applying to a Master's program, and this is the very first Statement of Purpose I've written for Grad School. I have included the prompt as well as my response below. Thank you for your time.

In an essay of 250 - 500 words, state your purpose in undertaking graduate study in your chosen field. Include your academic objectives, research interests, and career plans. Also discuss your related qualifications, including collegiate, professional, and community activities, and any other substantial accomplishments not already mentioned on the application.

I want to pursue a Master's Degree in Data Science, and my career aspiration is to become a Data Scientist in the Supply Chain Industry.

In order to pursue a successful career as a Data Scientist, I believe that one must possess a strong foundation in the field of mathematics, statistics and computer programming. To prepare for my career goals, I graduated with an undergraduate degree in Computer Science from ABC University, where in conjunction with programming courses, I also completed several Multivariable Calculus and Statistics courses. Currently, I am working as a Software Engineer/Operations Research Analyst at XYZ Analytics, an industry leader in retail analytics and supply chain management, where I have been able to acquire industry experience in the field of retail analytics, by successfully developing several sales, replenishment, forecast and logistics tools.

During my time at XYZ, what has appealed to me the most is working with data. What really sparked my interest was when I developed a forecasting tool, where I was able to analyze raw sales and inventory data, map out patterns by finding retail stores that ran out of product faster, and derive insights by coming up with forecast numbers required to drive profit margins. Developing this simple, yet informative forecasting tool helped me to understand how extracting actionable insights from data help businesses and organizations make sound and informed data-driven decisions.

I find it fascinating how data has impacted our lives. From personalized social media ads to self driving cars, it is safe to say that we are certainly headed towards a data driven future. The amount of data that we create everyday is increasing rapidly. I am excited by the prospect of using cutting-edge data science techniques to solve real world problems by effectively analyzing and interpreting data to extract actionable insights. Furthermore, based on my educational background, work experience and career interests, I believe that it is the right time for me to pursue a higher education in the field of Data Science.

With a Master's Degree in Data Science at George Washington University, I'll have a solid foundation in statistical analysis and data science techniques. Moreover, I am also very eager to program in languages like R and Python. The curriculum also includes courses like Machine Learning, Data Mining and Data Visualization. These courses are appealing to me, not only because of their importance from a data science perspective, but also because of their relevancy in the supply chain industry. Through the course of the degree, I intend to develop sound decision making skills by being able to analyze complex situations, assess variables, predict possible outcomes, as well as present critical risks to businesses to make informed data-driven decisions.

The Master's in Data Science program at George Washington University certainly caters to the critical skills that are required to tackle the data driven world. I am confident that the rigorous curriculum and the experience that I will receive at George Washington University will provide me with a solid foundation for a career as a Data Scientist.

There is an over focus on the purpose for your studies. You neglected to indicate the additional information required by the prompt that includes a reference to your extra curricular activities and any other achievements you may have had within or outside of your field of expertise. The essay in itself is strong when it comes to the purpose aspect. However, it fails to introduce you to the reviewer based on the other required aspects, The best thing you can do at this point is split up the essay. Offer no more than 125 words for your statement of purpose. Less if you have some impressive community activities and achievements to present. Balance the word count to allow you to provide all of the information so the reviewer can make an informed decision regarding your application. You actually do not need the first sentence in this essay. It creates a redundancy in the second paragraph. Merge the "Data Scientist in the Supply Chain Industry" reference into the current second paragraph instead. That creates a more informative first paragraph. All your essay requires is a reference to the missing information and some editing to balance the presentation.

I think you could use the fourth paragraph as a start of your statement of purpose. And you could emphasize on your working experience, like what you learnt from it, why it trigger your interest in data science. I think all you need to do is to adjust the structure and add some strong sentence to make your background stand out.