Hi, just looking for some feedback on this statement. Any criticism is appreciated.
Dear Admission Committee,
My name is ###### ######, a recent First-Class Honors graduate of Mechanical Engineering from the University of Limerick (GPA 3.66). I am writing to express my intention to apply to the University College London's MSc in Computer Science, and quantify why I believe both my academic and professional experience make me a suitable candidate for the programme.
Modern engineering applications have bridged the gap between complex mathematical and physics concepts, and their usability within industry. This intersection between engineering solutions and the computer software used to realize them, is ultimately where my interests lie. My long term objective is to join, or create, the teams that will develop future engineering applications. I believe both the practical focused content, and the entrepreneurial environment UCL fosters, will enable me to realize this.
As a Mechanical Engineering student, I studied a plethora of computing concepts. Ideas such as object-oriented programing, data structures and control statements were explored while designing applications in Java, before transitioning to MATLAB to develop algorithms and implement numerical methods. I found the more exposure I had to these computer science fundamentals, the more similarities I could find to the inherent analytical and problem solving skills which attracted me to mechanical engineering.
In my undergraduate thesis, I progressed my interest in computing methods, leveraging them in the design and testing of control algorithms for highly non-linear balancing systems. This was a self directed project that enabled me to develop my ability to independently navigate complex and specialized projects. Since graduating, I have been upskilling to prepare for the transition to a career in tech, completing CS50, Harvard Colleges online introduction to computer science, an 11 week structured course. This project culminated in the submission of an application that allowed students to visualize vectors and vector fields.
Since my early education, I have maintained a vested interest in mathematics, pursuing both higher level and applied math courses for my Irish Leaving certificate. In my final year, I was part of a team that won the regional Irish Applied Maths Teachers Assoc. Senior Competition. During university, I demonstrated proficiency in many CS related disciplines such as linear algebra, number theory, differential equations, statistics etc. The comprehensive mathematical foundation, constituting the majority of my degree curriculum, coupled with my genuine enthusiasm for the subject, positions me to fulfill the requirements of the program.
I believe UCL's MSc in computer science offers me the best opportunity to transition to a career in the industry. The department's reputation as a leader in experimental research and focus on the cohesion of computing systems in all aspects of life, make it the obvious choice for prospective computer scientists.
The programmes focus on industrial collaborations, networking, self-directed study and the opportunity to learn from leading experts aligns with my goal of designing the next generation of engineering softwares.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4785 The essay seems to be open ended. The last paragraph seems to be hanging. There is no clear concluding paragraph that would have summarized and driven home the point of your personal statement. The recap is sorely missing. The essence of the personal statement is missing towards the end. The personal statement is actually running too long as it combined the personal statement with the statement of purpose, which is supposed to be a different essay. Now, I do not know if this is the combination type of personal essay since you did not provide the writing prompt for the essay. So I will just guess and assume that you accidentally got the 2 mixed up which is why your essay seems to be confusing and open ended.
