This is my personal statement for a Korean Univesity. Can you please review and give feedback on my essays? Thank you in advance.
There is no prompt. Just a free writing for personal statement.
personal Statement for a Korean University
As a proud member of 'XXX' at 'XXX', my duty was to take lectures regarding "embedded system" which is related to Computer Science and Engineering and Arduino projects and eventually to implement them in Arduino cars for the upcoming Arduino Car Competition. It is odd that I, who have not even written "Hello World" program, was trying to code in "Arduino" platform in C++ language. In the Arduino car building, each person has different tasks in the team such as buying the car body, gathering Arduino circuits, and etc. Mine was to draw the stereotype and program the Arduino car. But the upcoming first semester exam stopped me doing so and Covid outbreak became another roadblock.
Since the start of pandemic, I have been an online learner. Looking back on my experience while trying to program the Arduino project, I only typed in what my senior told me to. No comprehension. Our seniors said the Arduino Car Competition will be held again when the school reopens. Therefore, at that time, I considered that I should not be a letdown to my team and also, I am fascinated by how powerful programming can be. Hence, I started my programming journey with a Python Course after some intensive research. After that, I thought my knowledge was enough to dive into solving real-life problems. There was a time when I volunteered to help the locals in flooded area near my city. I thought that the rescue, food and clothing donation plan would have been better if an app or a website was developed to update the situations of the refugees so rescue teams could make a better route and help the flood victims effectively in a short time. Regarding that, as a future computer scientist, I could not help thinking of solution. And my exploration did not stop. I learned HTML, CSS and Javascript for Web Programming. While I am coding, I am fascinated all the time and my fulfilment is like the feeling when my monthly report card shows me all 'A'- Coding is really fun for me. Moreover, after reading "Python Programming: Introduction to Computer Science" by John M. Zelle, I have known that without software, computers would be just expensive paperweights. And this booked fueled my interest in software development and I am eager to explore the aspects of Computer Science and Engineering and also software engineering.
My family consists of four members, my father, my mother, myself and my little brother. I am grateful for my family for being with me every time I needed them the most. What my father always says has impact on whatever I do. He said, "Whatever you do, your brother will follow it" - whether they are grades or actions. Therefore, as a responsible elder brother, I proved myself as an example by being in top 2 in school and top 10 in my province throughout my school years and hopefully he would achieve the same and more. Apart from my studies, I love to solve coding challenges, and do exercise in my spare time.
My first encounter with Republic of Korea (ROK) was in Grade - 9, when my friends who went to Korea as educational tour made a presentation about Korea and mentioning the famous spots as Jeju Island and Seoul Tower. Statistics of Korea would definitely tell me that Korea is technologically-advanced, and also have Samsung and LG which hold the reputation in the world's technology. There are many prestigious schools like Seoul National University and KAIST which always have a seat in top 50 universities in the world. In addition, beautiful palaces, stunning view of cherry flowers and Korean cuisines also make me genuinely feel attractive to the "Land of the Morning Calm". Besides, Korean music and television series always have a place in my heart and I would love to explore the multicultural, and modern lifestyle in Korea. Ranked 1st among national universities in 2019, XXX strives to become the global research university and also seeks solutions to diverse local issues (for example - building wind loads in Haeundae after investigating the cause of the Pohang earthquake). With world-class research, innovation and education, XXX is one of the leading universities of the fourth industrial revolution. By studying under XXX's systematic education, I am sure I will be well prepared for my goals.
I am studying "Computer Science and Engineering" because I can be that 'someone' who developed the app for the flood-rescue. And I have the intention of making it into reality. I am sure that PNU will equip me with the mindset, qualities and expertise to become a world-renowned Computer Scientist. After studying under XXX's quality education, I will continue to be a learner who will pursue Master's degree in Computer Science.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Since this is a personal statement the writer does not need to focus on discussing his major. Actually, he should be using this to present his private side. He should be informing the reviewer about his non-academic side for the most part. Who is he beyond academic interests?
The discussion about the family and his place within it would be a good start. The personal statement should be used to show this personal, emotional, and social preparedness for college. Why should the reviewer believe that he will be an asset to the student community beyond academic interests.
Talking about how the interest in Korea developed,is also good. However, his current presentation does not sound natural. It is too researched so it does not have much of a convincing power in this case. The personal declarations fall short of a proper and enthusiastic interest as well.
Try to remove the motivational aspects in this presentation. That belongs to a separate essay presentation. This eaway should have a proper personal introduction to the character of the student instead. That is the primary purpose of a personal statement.
